I’m not going to argue with you man. If you and your wife do as well as you say you should have no problem getting into an affordable home.
OT. Anyone fight with spouse about money?
- Thread starter RedBaloneyPony
- Start date
This thread sounds like a Dear Abby letter. Like most threads it has drifted from husband/wife financial issues to how emotional women are and all their faults. I suspect many are getting about as much out of their marriage as they put into it.
We got married at 19 and 18. I came from a crappy single parent home, pretty much living on nothing. I fell in love with her first time I set eyes on her when she was a junior in HS. It will be 50 years August 19. She is still beautiful, smart and most of all, a very Godly woman. God made women and men differently for different roles. We have a biblical marriage as far as leadership and responsibilities are concerned. Never had a lot of money but we are comfortable in retirement.
I taught a personal finance class to HS students and many of them thought it was dumb at first but I found out I had to show them the benefits and outcomes of good money management. Here are some thoughts you might consider.
I firmly believe there should only be one account, not separate accounts. Each having their own does nothing for the "we're in this together" and "what's mine is your's" attitude. The two should become one in everything. You are the leader, take charge in a loving way of course.
Consider talking with some seasoned (maybe even older and wiser) person who has been there, done that. I advise young couples because I have made the mistakes and I made it to the end and managed to navigate it in financially good shape.
Set some goals and then decide how to get there. I am a huge Dave Ramsey fan and wish I knew about him when I was teaching in the HS. Does she want to travel after retirement? Do you both want to have a second home? Do you want to be able to give to charity? Do you just want to be comfortable in your retirement years and do what you want? When I showed kids the pitfalls of just looking at the monthly payment - the old, we can afford $400 a month for the rest of our natural days trick and calculated exactly what they paid for something with interest they began to think I was on to something and maybe not just an old fuddy duddy.
I would also ask them what they spend for drinks and snacks for a week and calculated what that money would be worth in a year and then invested at 10% what it would be worth at age 65. It blew their minds. Its called the rule of 72. It can work for you in savings and against you in spending. Now there are a dozen apps to download that do all of this. Ask the question do you want to work your entire life when you are 70 or 80 years old or are you willing to sacrifice a little now for a big reward later and enjoy life. The longer you wait the more costly it is.
You simply have to have a plan, call it a budget but a plan is more than that. It is about how you live your lives, how you look at "things" and their real value to your lives versus the value of your marriage and your love.
I am not ashamed to say I love my wife more than anything and cannot imagine living life with anyone else. I have worked with hundreds of women over the years and I can honestly say I never even considered anyone to be a rival for my wife. We do everything together and for each other. It makes getting our finances on track much much easier as we talk all the time about our goals and what honors God. We give a fair amount of money away each year to various ministries. The only way we could do that is because we were good stewards of what he had earlier in life.
Don't get caught in the blame game of stereotyping women, that is a fools errand. Rational and clear thinking should rule the day when you have things on paper that are factual and tell the truth. He honest but strong. Blessings as you move forward with this.
We got married at 19 and 18. I came from a crappy single parent home, pretty much living on nothing. I fell in love with her first time I set eyes on her when she was a junior in HS. It will be 50 years August 19. She is still beautiful, smart and most of all, a very Godly woman. God made women and men differently for different roles. We have a biblical marriage as far as leadership and responsibilities are concerned. Never had a lot of money but we are comfortable in retirement.
I taught a personal finance class to HS students and many of them thought it was dumb at first but I found out I had to show them the benefits and outcomes of good money management. Here are some thoughts you might consider.
I firmly believe there should only be one account, not separate accounts. Each having their own does nothing for the "we're in this together" and "what's mine is your's" attitude. The two should become one in everything. You are the leader, take charge in a loving way of course.
Consider talking with some seasoned (maybe even older and wiser) person who has been there, done that. I advise young couples because I have made the mistakes and I made it to the end and managed to navigate it in financially good shape.
Set some goals and then decide how to get there. I am a huge Dave Ramsey fan and wish I knew about him when I was teaching in the HS. Does she want to travel after retirement? Do you both want to have a second home? Do you want to be able to give to charity? Do you just want to be comfortable in your retirement years and do what you want? When I showed kids the pitfalls of just looking at the monthly payment - the old, we can afford $400 a month for the rest of our natural days trick and calculated exactly what they paid for something with interest they began to think I was on to something and maybe not just an old fuddy duddy.
I would also ask them what they spend for drinks and snacks for a week and calculated what that money would be worth in a year and then invested at 10% what it would be worth at age 65. It blew their minds. Its called the rule of 72. It can work for you in savings and against you in spending. Now there are a dozen apps to download that do all of this. Ask the question do you want to work your entire life when you are 70 or 80 years old or are you willing to sacrifice a little now for a big reward later and enjoy life. The longer you wait the more costly it is.
You simply have to have a plan, call it a budget but a plan is more than that. It is about how you live your lives, how you look at "things" and their real value to your lives versus the value of your marriage and your love.
I am not ashamed to say I love my wife more than anything and cannot imagine living life with anyone else. I have worked with hundreds of women over the years and I can honestly say I never even considered anyone to be a rival for my wife. We do everything together and for each other. It makes getting our finances on track much much easier as we talk all the time about our goals and what honors God. We give a fair amount of money away each year to various ministries. The only way we could do that is because we were good stewards of what he had earlier in life.
Don't get caught in the blame game of stereotyping women, that is a fools errand. Rational and clear thinking should rule the day when you have things on paper that are factual and tell the truth. He honest but strong. Blessings as you move forward with this.
You think I'm gonna let you keep getting after me as if I have to answer for an entire generation?
Dude - you are crossing so many lines.
Real talk … your folks say they had it easy because it dawned on them they raised a victim and don’t have the heart to tell you that you are wrong and don’t have your crap together.
This is what scares me most. Property taxes and insurance premiums are largely out of my control.
I’m no victim.. boomers had it made ..
Just a fact .. not sure why you are so upset about a fact
You're a boomer, you're supposed to be apologizing for being born into that generation. I'm a boomer, too. I guess.
But, I'm not apologizing for you and you're not apologizing for me. Sounds as if you have done well for yourself and your wife. The same is true for my wife and I.
I don't take marital advice from people who've divorced, I don't take financial advice from people who are always broke, and I don't take home buying advice from renters.
Yep. It’s frustrating when you feel like you are doing what you can and then shit jumps up 2k in a year and it’s well f me
Once again tell me the difference between us. Were times much better 4-5 years apart?
Cost of living is rapidly outpacing wages…hopefully deflation happens but I doubt it
Technically taxes and insurance aren’t mortgage payments. They are taxes separately and insurance separately. But yes if you want take that out of context and pretend we don’t know how basic finance works - please do, but it makes you look even dumber than you already do.
I’m listening to any and all advice, started this thread to see what has worked for others.
You were the one that pretended they don’t exist.. why are you so obsessed with my posts? You a iowa fan?
I don't know if I'm supposed to be envious or not of some of you folks. I don't say that to be sarcastic or an asshole, I really mean it.
But the grown ups are talking here so, let me stfu.
But the grown ups are talking here so, let me stfu.
Just like the grown ups are in the White House🤣
If Tampa could settle down just a bit and realize that boomers aren't all the same, this thread does contain some good ideas.
Arguing about boomers this, and boomers that, is pointless. No two people grew up in identical circumstances. There are boomers that are flat ass broke, never accomplished anything either. Can't hardly condemn the entire generation because they had their share of flunkies.
I have friends that live in nice houses, make less than me and are debt free. I am not debt free but have some very nice equity on our home.
We choose to spend, vacation, and our kids are expensive but we wouldn’t have it any other way.
If we put our energy into becoming debt free, we would. We choose to do spend. So far, we haven’t had any money issues. My wife is a stay at home mom but handles the finances. I just bring home the bacon. And honestly, I just try to be the best dad and husband I can. I think money can become obsessive like most things can and you lose sight of life.
We choose to spend, vacation, and our kids are expensive but we wouldn’t have it any other way.
If we put our energy into becoming debt free, we would. We choose to do spend. So far, we haven’t had any money issues. My wife is a stay at home mom but handles the finances. I just bring home the bacon. And honestly, I just try to be the best dad and husband I can. I think money can become obsessive like most things can and you lose sight of life.
Yeah, and my mom was the generation before me, and they had it made in the shade. Born in 1922, was 7 years old at the heighth of the Depression. Quit school in the 8th grade, got married 4 times, never made more than 8K a year in her life. Rented all her life and died broke.
It was ezpz.
Facts don’t care about your feelings..
Millennials make up close to a quarter of the US population, but hold just 3 percent of the wealth. When boomers were our age, they held 21 percent.
One cause of this is the cost of higher education: Millennials face private education costs 300 percent higher than boomers did, and around 1 in 10 millennials carries student loan debt in the six-figure range. By comparison, when the average boomer was a young thirty-something, their educational debts amounted to just $2,300 in today’s dollars
Then have both your kids get full ride scholarships and then you don't ever have to pay a penny for education.
baloney - I’ve tried to give a lot to this thread because it’s something I’m truly passionate about - marriage and personal finance. I want to see people happy and I want to see them do the things they want to do.
One point that I didn’t mention and should have - don’t be a victim, if you ever feel thoughts come that say “we can’t do this”, “the man is keeping us down”, “it’s impossible” - flush them, quickly and see what you and your wife can do to take back control of the situation. Do not let that mentality creep into your relationship. Lots of good stuff on this thread - good luck finding what works. There is no one-size fits all because no circumstance is the same and no relationship is the same.
Just think of me next week when you're writing that check to the daycare and then next month when you write than rent check to that likely boomer, making him even wealthier. It'll be all better then.
Yeah boomers are hogging real estate lol…
You’re so bitter..it’s cute
Enjoy tonight.. when it’s just you and your thoughts.. and you’ll think.. is Tampa right? Just a product of my age post war success and deep down you know it’s true.. sleep tight cupcake
You are full of victim mentality and resentment that will hold you back. You'll just continue making excuses and blaming others.
Good luck with that bitterness benefiting you in any way.
Way more disciplined than I can even imagine. Sounds to me like a retired janitor I knew who lived a frugal life. He died in his 80s a couple of years ago and left about 250k to our church.
I'm not a boomer, I'm younger than you, but I know it makes you feel better to think it.
Good luck hope it helps.
Let me give you a little nightcap. You're 44. My daughter is 47. Same generation.
My daughter and son have followed my financial methodology since they were in middle school. So what has my daughter accomplished? Surprise!! She owns 2 daycares. One is licensed for 54 the other for 80. That's 134 kids a day. As you say, and I agree, daycare is not cheap, in fact, it is downright expensive.
Somehow she was guided into the daycare world. She's owned 5 daycares, her first one at age 23 was director of the YWCA with 300 kids and 65 staff. She went on her own and is very successful.
She has what you call business acumen.
At this rate you'll be a boomer soon, maybe that'll make you rich!
Can I identify as a boomer.. maybe a black boomer and I’ll move to SFAt this rate you'll be a boomer soon, maybe that'll make you rich!
I know "that guy"...
I have taught with more than a few janitors that basically lived their life at the school. Lived in a "crappy" area, their words, not mine. Drove a Ford Focus, had a wife that (smoked) had a city job...and basically just had a lot of money.
They were almost always funny as ****.
Yeah but my dad was supporting 7 baby boom kids on 13K too. It’s a moving target. Most boomers didn’t grow up with all the “things that even 30-50 year olds had and have now. My bedroom was a converted attic without AC or heat. Black and white TV that got 2 stations. I had a friend whose family raised 13 kids in a 1000 sq ft house with an unfinished basement.
Fast forward to my kids and they grew up with cable, several tvs, camps, clothes, their own newish vehicle at 16 etc. Now it’s smart phones, cell bills, various motorized toys etc etc. In many ways life was simpler but it wasn’t necessarily easier.
My “guy” janitor actually lights up in the school, tough old piece of leather that nobody is gona tell him he cant
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