OT. Anyone fight with spouse about money?

[RedBaloneyPony]

Has to be more out there like me. A guy who works hard, multiple jobs to provide a cushion to his family to experience at least a taste of the middle class lifestyle of living in an average house, drive average vehicles and try to put money away for retirement ( never enough) , make sure there is enough money coming in to cover the mortgage, life insurance, insurance, utilities, food, clothing , daycare and all the other bullshit a family needs to survive. Inflation is hitting some of the bills and I explained to the wife I’d like to set up a budget and see where we can trim some excessive costs, this turns into a your attacking me and my spending. **** Me and god damn women! Rant over.

 

[EmormousDouchebag]

Seems like it would make a great country and western ditty. Common, average, middle etc.

 

[RBigredMax]

Has to be more out there like me. A guy who works hard, multiple jobs to provide a cushion to his family to experience at least a taste of the middle class lifestyle of living in an average house, drive average vehicles and try to put money away for retirement ( never enough) , make sure there is enough money coming in to cover the mortgage, life insurance, insurance, utilities, food, clothing , daycare and all the other bullshit a family needs to survive. Inflation is hitting some of the bills and I explained to the wife I’d like to set up a budget and see where we can trim some excessive costs, this turns into a your attacking me and my spending. **** Me and god damn women! Rant over.

First - kudos for being a man and providing for your family. I am sure sometimes it feels un-appreciated but I guarantee your family appreciates your sacrifice more than you know.

When we started doing a budget it was just to see where money was going. I didn’t ask to change anything or to cut back - it was just trying to understand the picture. You don’t need to do it together - get that picture on your own if needed.

If we were behind in a month (more spent than we made) we would look at what caused it - if it kept happening we would dig into it because at the end of the day as a married team … everyone can agree that if more is going out than coming in, it ain’t good and action is needed.

When you do have to roll up your sleeves be the first to recognize areas you could cut back to help get buy-in. If it all goes one way ( for either of you) then it’s going to be tough to get on board.

Speaking from experience do your best to keep a clear/level head - it wasn’t just last week’s shopping trip that got you in a pickle, little decisions along the way start adding up and just like the Huskers it won’t get turned in a day either.

The grass thread had a Dave Ramsey sub-plot but I have found his guidance to be a great starting point. Making sure you share the same end goals (what does retirement look like, etc) it helps making the plan easier when you both agree on the future. This helps you both to get buy-in.

Also, not trying to over reach - but sometimes money stuff isn’t just about money stuff. Gary Chapman’s “The 5 Love Languages” is a must read for any married couple, in my humble opinion. Speaking from experience on this one too 😂

Good luck - hopefully the grinding you are doing at work will start gaining some traction to help get you ahead. Hopefully inflation starts reversing to help too.

 

[TampaBaySkers]

My wife is pretty cool. We set ourself a budget and have stuck to it pretty well.

 

[RedBaloneyPony]

First - kudos for being a man and providing for your family. I am sure sometimes it feels un-appreciated but I guarantee your family appreciates your sacrifice more than you know.

When we started doing a budget it was just to see where money was going. I didn’t ask to change anything or to cut back - it was just trying to understand the picture. You don’t need to do it together - get that picture on your own if needed.

If we were behind in a month (more spent than we made) we would look at what caused it - if it kept happening we would dig into it because at the end of the day as a married team … everyone can agree that if more is going out than coming in, it ain’t good and action is needed.

When you do have to roll up your sleeves be the first to recognize areas you could cut back to help get buy-in. If it all goes one way ( for either of you) then it’s going to be tough to get on board.

Speaking from experience do your best to keep a clear/level head - it wasn’t just last week’s shopping trip that got you in a pickle, little decisions along the way start adding up and just like the Huskers it won’t get turned in a day either.

The grass thread had a Dave Ramsey sub-plot but I have found his guidance to be a great starting point. Making sure you share the same end goals (what does retirement look like, etc) it helps making the plan easier when you both agree on the future. This helps you both to get buy-in.

Good luck - inflation has been crazy and it’s impacting a lot of people.

Also, not trying to over reach - but sometimes money stuff isn’t just about money stuff. Gary Chapman’s “The 5 Love Languages” is a must read for any married couple, in my humble opinion. Speaking from experience on this one too 😂

Good luck - hopefully the grinding you are doing at work will start gaining some traction to help get you ahead. Hopefully inflation starts reversing to help too.

Love Dave Ramsey, I’m still in the Davish mode and not full on Dave, working on it but the wife she just doesn’t get it. She grew up poor and thinks it’s ok to live like this. That we have a young family and life is expensive. I grew up middle class where my parents worked full time and farmed/cattle in the after hours. I was fortunate and my parents were able to help me through college, she did the student loan route. I’m trying to give my kids the debt free route. Can’t seem to pound that idea into my wife’s brain though. I’d like to grab life by the balls rather than the other way around!

 

[RedBaloneyPony]

My wife is pretty cool. We set ourself a budget and have stuck to it pretty well.

I envy you

 

[RedMyMind]

Has to be more out there like me. A guy who works hard, multiple jobs to provide a cushion to his family to experience at least a taste of the middle class lifestyle of living in an average house, drive average vehicles and try to put money away for retirement ( never enough) , make sure there is enough money coming in to cover the mortgage, life insurance, insurance, utilities, food, clothing , daycare and all the other bullshit a family needs to survive. Inflation is hitting some of the bills and I explained to the wife I’d like to set up a budget and see where we can trim some excessive costs, this turns into a your attacking me and my spending. **** Me and god damn women! Rant over.

Women suck with money?

 

[RBigredMax]

Love Dave Ramsey, I’m still in the Davish mode and not full on Dave, working on it but the wife she just doesn’t get it. She grew up poor and thinks it’s ok to live like this. That we have a young family and life is expensive. I grew up middle class where my parents worked full time and farmed/cattle in the after hours. I was fortunate and my parents were able to help me through college, she did the student loan route. I’m trying to give my kids the debt free route. Can’t seem to pound that idea into my wife’s brain though. I’d like to grab life by the balls rather than the other way around!

Sorry man - do not lose hope!

There is real value in starting with the end in mind. If you can come to agreement on what you want in the future it can make a big difference to look at present-state and putting a plan together.

I grew up crazy poor so can relate a little with your wife. Fortunately my wife and I grew together in how we wanted to manage our money and it’s been a blessing since. If you can crack it, good things will happen! As said earlier do not lose hope!

 

[notscottfrost]

Talk to your wife instead of husker board.

 

[RedMyMind]

Talk to your wife instead of husker board.

why?

 

[EmormousDouchebag]

Talk to your wife instead of husker board.

I think homie did, as explained in the OP.

 

[IM4NUalways]

All the time.

 

[RedBaloneyPony]

Talk to your wife instead of husker board.

How was your evening sitting in your bean bag eating Cheetos fingering your belly button while trolling a husker board?

 

[itseasyas1-2-3]

First - kudos for being a man and providing for your family. I am sure sometimes it feels un-appreciated but I guarantee your family appreciates your sacrifice more than you know.

When we started doing a budget it was just to see where money was going. I didn’t ask to change anything or to cut back - it was just trying to understand the picture. You don’t need to do it together - get that picture on your own if needed.

If we were behind in a month (more spent than we made) we would look at what caused it - if it kept happening we would dig into it because at the end of the day as a married team … everyone can agree that if more is going out than coming in, it ain’t good and action is needed.

When you do have to roll up your sleeves be the first to recognize areas you could cut back to help get buy-in. If it all goes one way ( for either of you) then it’s going to be tough to get on board.

Speaking from experience do your best to keep a clear/level head - it wasn’t just last week’s shopping trip that got you in a pickle, little decisions along the way start adding up and just like the Huskers it won’t get turned in a day either.

The grass thread had a Dave Ramsey sub-plot but I have found his guidance to be a great starting point. Making sure you share the same end goals (what does retirement look like, etc) it helps making the plan easier when you both agree on the future. This helps you both to get buy-in.

Also, not trying to over reach - but sometimes money stuff isn’t just about money stuff. Gary Chapman’s “The 5 Love Languages” is a must read for any married couple, in my humble opinion. Speaking from experience on this one too 😂

Good luck - hopefully the grinding you are doing at work will start gaining some traction to help get you ahead. Hopefully inflation starts reversing to help too.

Inflation is not going to slow down.

 

[RBigredMax]

Inflation is not going to slow down.

The YOY rate of inflation for consumer goods is the same now as it was last year at the same time?

 

[SuperBigFan]

The good news is, you already talked to her, the bad news is, you got your answer.

The more you make the more she will spend, the less you make, the more she will spend.

 

[dinglefritz]

Has to be more out there like me. A guy who works hard, multiple jobs to provide a cushion to his family to experience at least a taste of the middle class lifestyle of living in an average house, drive average vehicles and try to put money away for retirement ( never enough) , make sure there is enough money coming in to cover the mortgage, life insurance, insurance, utilities, food, clothing , daycare and all the other bullshit a family needs to survive. Inflation is hitting some of the bills and I explained to the wife I’d like to set up a budget and see where we can trim some excessive costs, this turns into a your attacking me and my spending. **** Me and god damn women! Rant over.

It’s a constant source of conflict in many if not most marriages. It’s just going to get worse because of inflation. Somehow someway you have to gently show the benefit to her. Maybe approach from “if I have a heart attack at 50 I’m worried about what happens to you”.

 

[itseasyas1-2-3]

The YOY rate of inflation for consumer goods is the same now as it was last year at the same time?

Those numbers are bullshit. Please don't tell me you believe in the government numbers.

 

[dinglefritz]

Love Dave Ramsey, I’m still in the Davish mode and not full on Dave, working on it but the wife she just doesn’t get it. She grew up poor and thinks it’s ok to live like this. That we have a young family and life is expensive. I grew up middle class where my parents worked full time and farmed/cattle in the after hours. I was fortunate and my parents were able to help me through college, she did the student loan route. I’m trying to give my kids the debt free route. Can’t seem to pound that idea into my wife’s brain though. I’d like to grab life by the balls rather than the other way around!

We’ll if you’re going full Ramsey, I might have a problem with that too. His advice is pretty extreme and not being willing to take out a loan for a worthwhile investment can be a foolish exercise.

 

[TampaBaySkers]

Those numbers are bullshit. Please don't tell me you believe in the government numbers.

Inflation used to be looked at over a two year spread. Showing me a number compared to a 40 -year high # from the prior year means nothing to me. Inflation is still in double digits ( using the way it was calculated back in the 70s/early 80s)

 

[TampaBaySkers]

The good news is, you already talked to her, the bad news is, you got your answer.

The more you make the more she will spend, the less you make, the more she will spend.

@RedBaloneyPony - maybe increase your 401k investment that way she has less to spend?

 

[dinglefritz]

Those numbers are bullshit. Please don't tell me you believe in the government numbers.

they keep changing the formula to try to make things fit their narrative. About the only thing that has slowed is housing prices maybe. Every business I talk to says their supplies and inventory costs continue to change upward almost weekly. If you order something some won’t even quote a firm price until they have it in hand with an invoice from a supplier.


The number one issues for families right now is the price of groceries. I don’t see how young families can pay the bills. I’m seeing lots of toys parked with for sale signs on them in my area. I was at an area gas station a few days ago and a guy stopped with his kid to get a tire looked at. He didn’t have $30 for a used tire to replace a front tire with cords showing.

 

[itseasyas1-2-3]

We’ll if you’re going full Ramsey, I might have a problem with that too. His advice is pretty extreme and not being willing to take out a loan for a worthwhile investment can be a foolish exercise.

I think Ramsey does some things that benefit some groups of people, but overall, a cookie-cutter approach for everyone is just bad advice.

Guys like yourself, myself, and countless other 50 year olds and older who have fought the battle for a long time are in a good position to lob out different methods on how to win the money game. Not that younger folks aren't savvy, but the real measure is the test of time.

I have an appointment is a bit, but I do think I'll actually give an example of the, quote, unquote, budget that my wife and I have used for years, and it's been great for us, and it could offer some insights to some people on how to better manage what they have coming in and going out.

I have two beliefs.
#1 I don't take marital advice from people who have been divorced.
#2 I don't take financial advice from people who are always broke. Other than that, I'm pretty flexible.

 

[itseasyas1-2-3]

they keep changing the formula to try to make things fit their narrative. About the only thing that has slowed is housing prices maybe. Every business I talk to says their supplies and inventory costs continue to change upward almost weekly. If you order something some won’t even quote a firm price until they have it in hand with an invoice from a supplier.


The number one issues for families right now is the price of groceries. I don’t see how young families can pay the bills. I’m seeing lots of toys parked with for sale signs on them in my area. I was at an area gas station a few days ago and a guy stopped with his kid to get a tire looked at. He didn’t have $30 for a used tire to replace a front tire with cords showing.

Yep on the price of groceries. When you and I were younger guys, we could feed a family of 4 very well on about $ 40.00 a week. Now its more like 30.00-40.00 a day. I agree, it takes a shitload of money now to raise a family.

 

[RedBaloneyPony]

We’ll if you’re going full Ramsey, I might have a problem with that too. His advice is pretty extreme and not being willing to take out a loan for a worthwhile investment can be a foolish exercise.

I agree, that’s why I’m Davish. I’m follow his core values but with the right opportunity I would take on debts for investments in real estate.

 

[itseasyas1-2-3]

they keep changing the formula to try to make things fit their narrative. About the only thing that has slowed is housing prices maybe. Every business I talk to says their supplies and inventory costs continue to change upward almost weekly. If you order something some won’t even quote a firm price until they have it in hand with an invoice from a supplier.


The number one issues for families right now is the price of groceries. I don’t see how young families can pay the bills. I’m seeing lots of toys parked with for sale signs on them in my area. I was at an area gas station a few days ago and a guy stopped with his kid to get a tire looked at. He didn’t have $30 for a used tire to replace a front tire with cords showing.

Call me full of it, but if was an older car and not all banged up to hell, and if the dad and son looked like normal people, maybe the old man had a little dirt under his fingernails, I would have bought the tire for them.

 

[MargotDeeper]

Seems like it would make a great country and western ditty. Common, average, middle etc.

Not in my small town.

 

[RedBaloneyPony]

The good news is, you already talked to her, the bad news is, you got your answer.

The more you make the more she will spend, the less you make, the more she will spend.

We are your average family, aren’t broke but not killing it by any means, I just want to tighten the screws in this moment of life, she actually brings more home to the bank at her teaching job, way higher on the scale due to her advancement. But I see the actual numbers on our lifestyle and feel we need to adjust. The problem lies that she grew up poor where her family always carried consumer debt. Mine did not. We’ve cleaned up her credit card debt and student loans but now I want to plan for ours and our kids future. She thinks I’m a buzz kill. We argue and fight. The world keeps spinning.

 

[itseasyas1-2-3]

I agree, that’s why I’m Davish. I’m follow his core values but with the right opportunity I would take on debts for investments in real estate.

Red. That''s something that can work well for a lot of folks. In my case, I would much rather concentrate on whatever debt I had and reduce it to as close to zero as possible.

Being debt-free is the epitome of freedom. It opens up so many more opportunities.

Different strokes for different folks.

 

[itseasyas1-2-3]

We are your average family, aren’t broke but not killing it by any means, I just want to tighten the screws in this moment of life, she actually brings more home to the bank at her teaching job, way higher on the scale due to her advancement. But I see the actual numbers on our lifestyle and feel we need to adjust. The problem lies that she grew up poor where her family always carried consumer debt. Mine did not. We’ve cleaned up her credit card debt and student loans but now I want to plan for ours and our kids future. She thinks I’m a buzz kill. We argue and fight. The world keeps spinning.

I think I'm on your side, just don't tell your wife.

 

[litespeedhuskerfan]

I can list a ton of items I buy all the time..lumber, eggs, automobiles (3 purchased in last 3 years)...to prove inflation is much closer to 40% versus say....a few short years ago....this single digit inflation I keep hearing about is rubbish. What it means when normal citizens try to claim that is simple...they can't admit they voted for a total loser and I can't take you serious about, anything.

As far as arguing about money with the wife. Never....but that is because I remarried at the age of 54...and the chick I married is a great with money and I would not have married somebody at my age who wasn't...when you marry in your 20's...like I did the first time...most people havent given that part of what their looking for in a partner that much thought....but in your 50's it's at or near the top of your list.

 

[Baxter48]

they keep changing the formula to try to make things fit their narrative. About the only thing that has slowed is housing prices maybe. Every business I talk to says their supplies and inventory costs continue to change upward almost weekly. If you order something some won’t even quote a firm price until they have it in hand with an invoice from a supplier.


The number one issues for families right now is the price of groceries. I don’t see how young families can pay the bills. I’m seeing lots of toys parked with for sale signs on them in my area. I was at an area gas station a few days ago and a guy stopped with his kid to get a tire looked at. He didn’t have $30 for a used tire to replace a front tire with cords showing.

Now gas is going back up it jumped 40 cents some so called experts are say $6 a gallon by late fall

 

[WHCSC]

My wife handles all of our finances

 

[RedBaloneyPony]

I can list a ton of items I buy all the time..lumber, eggs, automobiles (3 purchased in last 3 years)...to prove inflation is much closer to 40% versus say....a few short years ago....this single digit inflation I keep hearing about is rubbish. What it means when normal citizens try to claim that is simple...they can't admit they voted for a total loser and I can't take you serious about, anything.

As far as arguing about money with the wife. Never....but that is because I remarried at the age of 54...and the chick I married is a great with money and I would not have married somebody at my age who wasn't...when you marry in your 20's...like I did the first time...most people havent given that part of what their looking for in a partner that much thought....but in your 50's it's at or near the top of your list.

My wife is great, wonderful mother and has many awesome qualities. Her worst quality by far is that she literally does not care about how much money she makes. I’m a planner and often ask what her projected salary is so I can start calculating budget stuff, her answer is idk. It’s astonishing to me that I watch her work her butt off each day teaching kids, then coach vb then come home and grade papers at night all while pursuing higher education online and somehow doesn’t seem to give a shit about the financial part of the deal. But I digress, we fight about money because I want to know where all of our dollars are going and she doesn’t seem worried about it.

 

[ssmill777]

The good news is, you already talked to her, the bad news is, you got your answer.

The more you make the more she will spend, the less you make, the more she will spend.

Kind of reminds me of the Beach Boys song, "She had fun, fun, fun, til Daddy took the T-Bird away."

 

[dinglefritz]

Yep on the price of groceries. When you and I were younger guys, we could feed a family of 4 very well on about $ 40.00 a week. Now its more like 30.00-40.00 a day. I agree, it takes a shitload of money now to raise a family.

No matter how much they talk about rising wages, they never keep up with inflation and inflation is destroying people on fixed incomes.

 

[otismotis08]

My wife handles all of our finances

Oh dear

 

[RBigredMax]

Those numbers are bullshit. Please don't tell me you believe in the government numbers.

Please offer up what information you use to determine inflation rates as I’m always open to learning more.

The consumer price index is down significantly from a year ago 9.1% vs 3% so the rate of inflation is reducing. As someone else mentioned the two year rolling average is also going down 7.25% vs ~6.1%.

The CPI is one of many tools used to set economic policy in this country so yes I feel comfortable as a data point (not the only).

The raw materials at my work are starting to come down and are aligning with where they were a year ago - which is also bonkers high when compared to pre-covid, which I would say is also another data point. I have friends that are running restaurants and their experience is similar.

If you believe inflation is continuing at the same rate as a year ago please offer your sources when you discount mine.

Consumer prices up 3.0 percent over the year ended June 2023 : The Economics Daily: U.S. Bureau of Labor Statistics

Over the year ended June 2023, consumer prices increased 3.0 percent, after increasing 4.0 percent over the year ended in May 2023. The June 2023 increase was the smallest 12-month increase since March 2021. A year earlier, in June 2022, the 12-month increase in overall prices was 9.1 percent...

www.bls.gov

 

[drubendall]

You’re in a tough spot. Money fights are the #1 stressor of couples. She does not seem willing to face the realities of your current financial state.

You absolutely will have to come to an agreement. There is some underlying issue feeding her need to overspend and deny certain facts of your situation. I know you are trying, but she will have to acknowledge this. It can help to project ahead. Lets say you are 35 now. Look ahead at your lives at 55. If you continue with the same spending habits and struggle with what feels like a lack of money now, how is future you doing? Home paid off or remortgaged? Nicer cars or crap? Retirement accounts doing OK or are things a little panicky? Kid’s college? Weddings? Travel? You get the idea. Current you is screwing future you. Future self gets drunk on a Tuesday night and gives 2 craps about hungover tomorrow you.

Good luck. This is not easy, but keep at it. It will NOT fix itself. It will get worse. Thankful I landed with a good and reasonable woman (who has to put the kabosh on my spending ambitions from time to time)

 

[drubendall]

Now gas is going back up it jumped 40 cents some so called experts are say $6 a gallon by late fall

Yes, $6 in Washington state. $4.25 in Nebraska.