OT. Anyone fight with spouse about money?

[SuperBigFan]

No all money is our money.

That is how it goes!

I had a series 7 securities and insurance licenses a number of years ago. Sadly many of the country club new car crowd had done nothing for retirement by their 50s.

I think retirement looks different for everyone.

My Dad retired like in his 50's and basically has sat on the couch and watched Fox News and SyFy channel all day for the last 25 years. It is what he seems to love but now his body is broken down.

My mom worked non-stpp until her late 70s, finally retired and is in great shape and she misses work, She actually retired BECAUSE covid made her job, work from home, and she hated not going into the office.

I don't plan on retiring in the "I am done working" sense. I get bored over my summer break, I could not imagine never working again.

 

[Mrs.Jeans15]

This is a discussion for before marriage.

Its too late now.

 

[SuperBigFan]

She setting money aside for her future without a partner. Believe that.

This is probably true. Women are much smarter and more manipulative about this kind of stuff. They plan.

 

[SuperBigFan]

This is a discussion for before marriage.

Its too late now.

You are spot on again!

 

[Tahoe78]

Now gas is going back up it jumped 40 cents some so called experts are say $6 a gallon by late fall

You drain the strategic oil reserve and prices go down... you have to replace them what do you think will happen. Blame it on OPEC or whatever, but it was done to us by our government.

 

[RedBaloneyPony]

Do you have joint or separate bank accounts? If you see where the numbers are, that's extremely important. You can't force information onto her as you've already experienced but she needs to see the numbers as well. What is she passionate about that won't be there in the future if things don't improve? People don't change until there's pain involved.

We have separate, we each cover certain expenses. I got the mortgage, utilities, fuel. She covers daycare, groceries, internet, tv, kids stuff. It’s all equal and hers is mine and mine is hers. Where I struggle with her is I literally can’t bring up starting a real budget, it always ends with the same shit. Her crying and me angry. I need to come up with a way to get through to her about how we can do better financially than we are if we adapt our spending. We have a solid marriage, I just want to be more on the same page.

When we got married, she had 5k in credit card debt plus 15k in student loans. Making minimum payments. I had to keep on her and stay diligent about paying as much as we could to get them paid off. We cleaned that debt out then a few years later she racked up 2k on credit cards and was making minimum payments. She had the money in the bank to pay it off but didn’t want to lose her savings at once. That was an epic fight! The credit card was paid off that day and cut up.

For whatever reason, she just won’t get fully on board with me and follow the math and facts.

 

[Lars72]

There’s a balance in there somewhere. Talked to a guy at church a while back about travel. He was older and had difficulty walking. His advice to me was to not wait too long. The opportunity is not guaranteed to be there. He has the means, but his body is in pain.

This. After a friend of mine was diagnosed with ALS, we were talking about a family trip to DC that I had been putting off. His advice was similar, don’t wait because there are no guarantees. He explained that he always wanted to go to Scotland & would keep putting it off. When he finally did, he didn’t enjoy it the way he wanted because he couldn’t walk, was always using a scooter, & couldn’t do many of the things he wanted.

 

[SuperBigFan]

We have separate, we each cover certain expenses. I got the mortgage, utilities, fuel. She covers daycare, groceries, internet, tv, kids stuff. It’s all equal and hers is mine and mine is hers. Where I struggle with her is I literally can’t bring up starting a real budget, it always ends with the same shit. Her crying and me angry. I need to come up with a way to get through to her about how we can do better financially than we are if we adapt our spending. We have a solid marriage, I just want to be more on the same page.

When we got married, she had 5k in credit card debt plus 15k in student loans. Making minimum payments. I had to keep on her and stay diligent about paying as much as we could to get them paid off. We cleaned that debt out then a few years later she racked up 2k on credit cards and was making minimum payments. She had the money in the bank to pay it off but didn’t want to lose her savings at once. That was an epic fight! The credit card was paid off that day and cut up.

For whatever reason, she just won’t get fully on board with me and follow the math and facts.

Oh yeah, the old credit card issues!

Dude, remember that the "crying" is an act.

 

[RedBaloneyPony]

No all money is our money. We never argue over finances.

Women leave you over money OP.

Its the number one reason they divorce men.

Let it go or face divorce soon.

I always figured she’d leave to find a bigger laphog

 

[OzzyLvr]

We have separate, we each cover certain expenses. I got the mortgage, utilities, fuel. She covers daycare, groceries, internet, tv, kids stuff. It’s all equal and hers is mine and mine is hers. Where I struggle with her is I literally can’t bring up starting a real budget, it always ends with the same shit. Her crying and me angry. I need to come up with a way to get through to her about how we can do better financially than we are if we adapt our spending. We have a solid marriage, I just want to be more on the same page.

When we got married, she had 5k in credit card debt plus 15k in student loans. Making minimum payments. I had to keep on her and stay diligent about paying as much as we could to get them paid off. We cleaned that debt out then a few years later she racked up 2k on credit cards and was making minimum payments. She had the money in the bank to pay it off but didn’t want to lose her savings at once. That was an epic fight! The credit card was paid off that day and cut up.

For whatever reason, she just won’t get fully on board with me and follow the math and facts.

Then you're married in every way EXCEPT for your finances. She still has the mentality that her account is "her" money even though she's contributing to the household expenses. It will never be "our" money until it's a joint account and all expenses are paid out of that joint account. It's fine to have separate accounts but those need to be funded out of the joint account and in the monthly budget.

Ask her what she dreams about. What would she do if money was no object. Her parents were not a good example so it will take more time and effort to get her on board. If she will enter into a "dream" discussion with you, share some of yours with her (if you haven't already). When you're done dreaming, ask how you can get there as a couple. Don't tell her but ask her. If she doesn't have an answer, just let her think on it for a week or so & casually bring up her dreams again. Tell her how much it would mean to you for her to realize that dream & ask again if she's thought more about how you get there as a couple.

 

[litespeedhuskerfan]

If it works for others to have completely seperate finances then have at it. I think its a horrible ifdea and base it on personal experience. We did that...i'll spara ya the deets...but we did it for 26 years and IMO it is a giant red blinking light with a siren blaring.

Fast forward to elderly...one of ya is breaking down/dying, you need to trust your S/O 1000%.....how is that possible if you didn't before now??

 

[RedBaloneyPony]

If it works for others to have completely seperate finances then have at it. I think its a horrible ifdea and base it on personal experience. We did that...i'll spara ya the deets...but we did it for 26 years and IMO it is a giant red blinking light with a siren blaring.

Fast forward to elderly...one of ya is breaking down/dying, you need to trust your S/O 1000%.....how is that possible if you didn't before now??

Part of reason we have separate accounts (same bank) both names are on each account, I have an llc checking and a personal checking , using the personal checking for agriculture expenses. Was just easier when it came to money going in and out to keep track of. Now I’m running all my AG and carpentry business through my llc checking account. We probably will look to combine to have 1 checking and 1 savings account.

 

[tfly34]

Has to be more out there like me. A guy who works hard, multiple jobs to provide a cushion to his family to experience at least a taste of the middle class lifestyle of living in an average house, drive average vehicles and try to put money away for retirement ( never enough) , make sure there is enough money coming in to cover the mortgage, life insurance, insurance, utilities, food, clothing , daycare and all the other bullshit a family needs to survive. Inflation is hitting some of the bills and I explained to the wife I’d like to set up a budget and see where we can trim some excessive costs, this turns into a your attacking me and my spending. **** Me and god damn women! Rant over.

“You will get nothing and be happy!!”

-the top 1 or 0.1%, probably

 

[OzzyLvr]

Part of reason we have separate accounts (same bank) both names are on each account, I have an llc checking and a personal checking , using the personal checking for agriculture expenses. Was just easier when it came to money going in and out to keep track of. Now I’m running all my AG and carpentry business through my llc checking account. We probably will look to combine to have 1 checking and 1 savings account.

You need to have your business accounts separated from your personal accounts regardless of whether you have a joint account or separate accounts. Only business activity in & out of the business account(s). No personal activity in the business account. Only non-business (personal) activity in & out of the personal account(s). No business activity in the personal account.

 

[RedBaloneyPony]

Got some good advice today, and my wife says I spend too much time on this board!

 

[TFrazier]

My wife and I rarely fight about money. She has her separate accounts, I have mine, and we pay into a couple of different ones. We both contribute and pay for the bills etc…

We have been doing this for close to 30 years and it works for us.

 

[TampaBaySkers]

My wife and I rarely fight about money. She has her separate accounts, I have mine, and we contribute to a couple of different ones. We both contribute and pay for the bills etc…

We have been doing this for close to 30 years and it works for us.

There ya go op.. all the happy guys on this thread have separate accounts

 

[RedBaloneyPony]

There ya go op.. all the happy guys on this thread have separate accounts

Now I’m back to square one

 

[TampaBaySkers]

Now I’m back to square one

It may help to show your wife a compounding interest calculator. You can save money in savings accounts that pay around 5%. Might help..

 

[OzzyLvr]

There ya go op.. all the happy guys on this thread have separate accounts

I guess we're the exception to that statement! We are very happy and maintain a joint account. We have separate accounts only for our "pocket" money & that's in our monthly budget. That's one thing that keeps us happy.

 

[TFrazier]

There are multiple ways for couples to handle their finances. If both are willing participants any method can work.

 

[itseasyas1-2-3]

Got some good advice today, and my wife says I spend too much time on this board!

I haven't even given you my take yet Red.

 

[Baxter48]

When you don’t have any money there is nothing to argue about

 

[Lincoln100]

Part of reason we have separate accounts (same bank) both names are on each account, I have an llc checking and a personal checking , using the personal checking for agriculture expenses. Was just easier when it came to money going in and out to keep track of. Now I’m running all my AG and carpentry business through my llc checking account. We probably will look to combine to have 1 checking and 1 savings account.

Yeah, simple fix is to have them on the account to allow them access - shouldn’t be an issue if you’ve got nothing to hide

 

[OzzyLvr]

Now I’m back to square one

 

[PeliniTheCrutch]

I only follow @NikkiSixx advice on relationships, so I’m waiting for him to chime in.

 

[Husker.Wed.]

No. When we got married we decided I'd make all the big decisions and she would make all the little decisions. Good deal. Unfortunately, in 35 years we never have made a big decision.

 

[HuskerDrew]

No. When we got married we decided I'd make all the big decisions and she would make all the little decisions. Good deal. Unfortunately, in 35 years we never have made a big decision.

Ha… well played sir

 

[dinglefritz]

This is a discussion for before marriage.

Its too late now.

Ideally but it’s not too late to seek financial counseling.

 

[RedMyMind]

My wife is an RN and likes to work and make money which tends to make her irresponsible with it. Hundreds of dollars on dogs toys/outfits and other random crap. Then she complains about having to work so much and I remind her that she really doesn't if she wouldn't spend money on dumb shit like eating at Olive Garden for 45$ and shit like that.

I dropped down to part time work now.

 

[PeliniTheCrutch]

This is a discussion for before marriage.

Its too late now.

Yeah, but then that goes back to actually having to talk to her.

No thanks.

 

[frostonthegrass]

Exactly. I loved to hike mountains. That’s done for me. Fortunately there’s still a chance to sit on the viewing platform at Jackson Lake Lodge with a cold beverage to watch the sun set over the Hrand Titties.

Sounds amazing, gotta spare room?

 

[aNUstart]

It's interesting reading all the different approaches and opinions on this subject. The only thing that's true is that there isn't a single right way to handle marital finances, you just need to find what works for the two of you. Not everyone has a mind that either comprehends or wants to deal with finances, no matter how important they are - it sounds like your wife is one of those people. Keep communicating in a non-judgemental manner and hopefully you guys will figure it out, but don't let it become a wedge in your relationship.

 

[VandallHuskerJulie]

That sounds like it sucks homie and I imagine others have similar experiences. I have in the past, but no so much now. Women, on a base level, are very selfish creatures. Selfish creatures who have to pretend, or create the illusion, that they care about their families’ more than their own personal needs and wants. But in the end, their actions generally tell real story.

Wow.

 

[Bremser]

Has to be more out there like me. A guy who works hard, multiple jobs to provide a cushion to his family to experience at least a taste of the middle class lifestyle of living in an average house, drive average vehicles and try to put money away for retirement ( never enough) , make sure there is enough money coming in to cover the mortgage, life insurance, insurance, utilities, food, clothing , daycare and all the other bullshit a family needs to survive. Inflation is hitting some of the bills and I explained to the wife I’d like to set up a budget and see where we can trim some excessive costs, this turns into a your attacking me and my spending. **** Me and god damn women! Rant over.

Nope. We’ve worked out a great arrangement. I make the money, and she spends it.

 

[dinglefritz]

Sounds amazing, gotta spare room?

Hoping to get there in September.

 

[aNUstart]

Sounds amazing, gotta spare room?

As someone commented to me yesterday - solid avatar!

 

[RedBaloneyPony]

I haven't even given you my take yet Red.

I don’t got the stones to bet it all on horses

 

[RBigredMax]

This is a discussion for before marriage.

It’s too late now.

True lots to talk about before marriage, but no way is it too late now. Plenty of years left to grow together and build the retirement they want.

 

[RBigredMax]

There ya go op.. all the happy guys on this thread have separate accounts

Woah, woah, woah - plenty of happy folks with joint accounts. When we entered into marriage we opted for better or worse and to share all things. Including- gasp- our money 😉