OT - Men who have been separated/divorced

[ZoeSanderson]

Ow, very interesting

 

[dacred]

Children should be your first concern, seen way too many kids affected by divorce, or at least that is what they blamed it on. Second, never, ever get back with the EX. again, dated many women and met many guys when out and about since my divorce and can't believe how many tried to make it work a second or even third time. Don't do it, unfortunately, it takes time to work through it emotionally. I dated a gal for a few years, she decided to move on and back to an old boyfriend (get me drift) and it took about a year to get over it. Now i was back with the ladies the next weekend but it did take some time and a new girlfriend to get over her. Good luck, you will be fine. There are a bunch of nice ladies out there and they want to make a guy happy (wink, wink) and some even will treat you right

 

[Catch50]

Don't ever get attached to anything or anyone you can't walk away from with more than 30 seconds of thought.

In other words, don't do bench presses or squats alone..

 

[FreddyUI]

A lot of sad stories, a few with some degree of happy / ok results.

Marriage is hard. You both need to constantly work on it.

Best of luck to all of you.

 

[litespeedhuskerfan]

When I became single after 26 mostly good years and dipped my toe back in the dating waters the first thing I realized is....most people are not ready to date as soon as they think they are...some people never actually get there....it varies of course but for me I decided thru trial and error...if the girl wasn't divorced...and I mean divorced, as in the courts recognize it as final, (and seperated is not divorced no matter how long you've been seperated) for at least a year, I was out. They weren't ready and I had zero interest in being their counselor or shoulder to cry on....my guess is you aren't ready either, you still have a long and difficult journey ahead of you and a ton of emotions to process. Not trying to be mean, just honest....do what you need to do to move on accept there will be some trying times ahead....and when you do finally get there, women will recognize your efforts and appreciate you more. Few things are more attractive than people who didn't let divorce ruin them and don't continue to bitch about it when it's all done, and are happy and positive. Women will sense it and that's the kind of man they want to be with.

 

[Husker.Wed.]

When I became single after 26 mostly good years and dipped my toe back in the dating waters the first thing I realized is....most people are not ready to date as soon as they think they are...some people never actually get there....it varies of course but for me I decided thru trial and error...if the girl wasn't divorced...and I mean divorced, as in the courts recognize it as final, (and seperated is not divorced no matter how long you've been seperated) for at least a year, I was out. They weren't ready and I had zero interest in being their counselor or shoulder to cry on....my guess is you aren't ready either, you still have a long and difficult journey ahead of you and a ton of emotions to process. Not trying to be mean, just honest....do what you need to do to move on accept there will be some trying times ahead....and when you do finally get there, women will recognize your efforts and appreciate you more. Few things are more attractive than people who didn't let divorce ruin them and don't continue to bitch about it when it's all done, and are happy and positive. Women will sense it and that's the kind of man they want to be with.

Sorry to hear you became single after 26 years.

Had you ever looked back and thought instead of dipping your toe in the water you should have jumped in with both feet?

 

[litespeedhuskerfan]

Sorry to hear you became single after 26 years.

Had you ever looked back and thought instead of dipping your toe in the water you should have jumped in with both feet?

10 months ago I met the most amazing girl I've ever known, and did just that....but it took me 2 years to find one worthy of doing that with, and as I previously mentioned before, I think some time needs to pass before you try to date to seriously. YMMV, but people who jump right back in after 26 years of marriage are obviously in a different place than I was.

 

[nwualum]

As someone who's been married for 33 years, I'm probably not the best one to take advice from here. However, maybe you should consider some very public dates-- especially in you're in a town where the news will get back to your ex. Maybe that will give her a jolt of reality. And go for a hottie, regardless of her intellect or future plans. Just stir the pot a little bit. It may not work but I don't think it will hurt.

 

[salsa red]

As someone who's been married for 33 years, I'm probably not the best one to take advice from here. However, maybe you should consider some very public dates-- especially in you're in a town where the news will get back to your ex. Maybe that will give her a jolt of reality. And go for a hottie, regardless of her intellect or future plans. Just stir the pot a little bit. It may not work but I don't think it will hurt.

Someone very close to her has been giving me signs she's interested in me. She did while I was still married and I fantasized about it but would never have done anything. I would never have a relationship with her but a fling would be amazing IMO.

I just think if the opposite were to happen and she messed around with someone close to me I don't think I could ever forgive it.

 

[ThereIsNoPlace]

As someone who's been married for 33 years, I'm probably not the best one to take advice from here. However, maybe you should consider some very public dates-- especially in you're in a town where the news will get back to your ex. Maybe that will give her a jolt of reality. And go for a hottie, regardless of her intellect or future plans. Just stir the pot a little bit. It may not work but I don't think it will hurt.

I hear Cathy Wysocki's available...

...good luck OP.

 

[meo1960]

So this is the season of off topic discussions and since this site is mostly guys I wanted to see if you guys had some advice for my situation. It's a bit long fyi.
I was with my wife for 11 years and have 2 kids. She decided she was unhappy and wanted end the marriage last year, I think 2 of her "feminist" friends poisoned her mind. There was no cheating or anything, we were just going through a rough period. We went to counseling but counselor said he couldn't help.

I put some effort to win her back but it didn't get anywhere. It seemed like the more I tried the more pissed she became.

So we had to live together while she prepared to buy her own place and she kept rejecting my attempts to reconcile. When I tried to get romantic she would tell me not to touch her. She even said a few times "don't touch me, go **** someone else, you have my permission"

This went on for 3 months and when she was a few weeks from moving out I met someone to go on a date with. I told her about it beforehand and she said that it was good for me to move on.
Anyways date went well and when I came home late she was waiting for me and started crying and saying how could you do this to me. She said she wanted some time away and maybe eventually work things out. I was confused but it really effected me seeing her upset and I broke things off with the other woman even though she was really into me.

So she moved out about 3 months ago and I'm trying to move on but struggling. I've gone on a 2 dates and its refreshing to see someone who looks at me fondly. The issue is I don't care for these girls and can't get my ex out of my head. Logically I know I need to move on but I am still trying to get back with her even though she keeps rejecting me.

If anyone else has gone through separation/divorce I would appreciate some advice on how you got over your ex. My plan, even though it's not bringing me as much joy as it did in my youth, is to date a few women and focus on work.

I was recently divorced after 28 years. If can look yourself in the mirror and know that you did all you could, then move on and don't look back. It takes 2 to get married. It only takes 1 to force a divorce. In the meantime try to learn your part in all of this and work on self improvement. Learn about attachment styles and the 5 love languages.

And how do you get over your X? Well, when the old dog dies, buy a new puppy.

P.S
It almost sounds she was playing games by seeming interested after you had went on that date. Life's too short for that $hit.

Anyway divorce sucks. Good luck.