OT - Men who have been separated/divorced

salsa red

Walk On
Dec 25, 2019
184
300
63
So this is the season of off topic discussions and since this site is mostly guys I wanted to see if you guys had some advice for my situation. It's a bit long fyi.
I was with my wife for 11 years and have 2 kids. She decided she was unhappy and wanted end the marriage last year, I think 2 of her "feminist" friends poisoned her mind. There was no cheating or anything, we were just going through a rough period. We went to counseling but counselor said he couldn't help.

I put some effort to win her back but it didn't get anywhere. It seemed like the more I tried the more pissed she became.

So we had to live together while she prepared to buy her own place and she kept rejecting my attempts to reconcile. When I tried to get romantic she would tell me not to touch her. She even said a few times "don't touch me, go **** someone else, you have my permission"

This went on for 3 months and when she was a few weeks from moving out I met someone to go on a date with. I told her about it beforehand and she said that it was good for me to move on.
Anyways date went well and when I came home late she was waiting for me and started crying and saying how could you do this to me. She said she wanted some time away and maybe eventually work things out. I was confused but it really effected me seeing her upset and I broke things off with the other woman even though she was really into me.

So she moved out about 3 months ago and I'm trying to move on but struggling. I've gone on a 2 dates and its refreshing to see someone who looks at me fondly. The issue is I don't care for these girls and can't get my ex out of my head. Logically I know I need to move on but I am still trying to get back with her even though she keeps rejecting me.

If anyone else has gone through separation/divorce I would appreciate some advice on how you got over your ex. My plan, even though it's not bringing me as much joy as it did in my youth, is to date a few women and focus on work.
 

bshirt73

Senior
Aug 31, 2014
2,546
1,525
113
So this is the season of off topic discussions and since this site is mostly guys I wanted to see if you guys had some advice for my situation. It's a bit long fyi.
I was with my wife for 11 years and have 2 kids. She decided she was unhappy and wanted end the marriage last year, I think 2 of her "feminist" friends poisoned her mind. There was no cheating or anything, we were just going through a rough period. We went to counseling but counselor said he couldn't help.

I put some effort to win her back but it didn't get anywhere. It seemed like the more I tried the more pissed she became.

So we had to live together while she prepared to buy her own place and she kept rejecting my attempts to reconcile. When I tried to get romantic she would tell me not to touch her. She even said a few times "don't touch me, go **** someone else, you have my permission"

This went on for 3 months and when she was a few weeks from moving out I met someone to go on a date with. I told her about it beforehand and she said that it was good for me to move on.
Anyways date went well and when I came home late she was waiting for me and started crying and saying how could you do this to me. She said she wanted some time away and maybe eventually work things out. I was confused but it really effected me seeing her upset and I broke things off with the other woman even though she was really into me.

So she moved out about 3 months ago and I'm trying to move on but struggling. I've gone on a 2 dates and its refreshing to see someone who looks at me fondly. The issue is I don't care for these girls and can't get my ex out of my head. Logically I know I need to move on but I am still trying to get back with her even though she keeps rejecting me.

If anyone else has gone through separation/divorce I would appreciate some advice on how you got over your ex. My plan, even though it's not bringing me as much joy as it did in my youth, is to date a few women and focus on work.
Well, it's a rough damn business to be sure but sadly I haven't any good ideas for a situation we both have dealt with. I guess just going with the wind is all one can do.

However, I wish you the very, very best of luck sir. It just might happen!
 

Crazyhole

Junior
Jun 4, 2004
1,837
2,579
113
So this is the season of off topic discussions and since this site is mostly guys I wanted to see if you guys had some advice for my situation. It's a bit long fyi.
I was with my wife for 11 years and have 2 kids. She decided she was unhappy and wanted end the marriage last year, I think 2 of her "feminist" friends poisoned her mind. There was no cheating or anything, we were just going through a rough period. We went to counseling but counselor said he couldn't help.

I put some effort to win her back but it didn't get anywhere. It seemed like the more I tried the more pissed she became.

So we had to live together while she prepared to buy her own place and she kept rejecting my attempts to reconcile. When I tried to get romantic she would tell me not to touch her. She even said a few times "don't touch me, go **** someone else, you have my permission"

This went on for 3 months and when she was a few weeks from moving out I met someone to go on a date with. I told her about it beforehand and she said that it was good for me to move on.
Anyways date went well and when I came home late she was waiting for me and started crying and saying how could you do this to me. She said she wanted some time away and maybe eventually work things out. I was confused but it really effected me seeing her upset and I broke things off with the other woman even though she was really into me.

So she moved out about 3 months ago and I'm trying to move on but struggling. I've gone on a 2 dates and its refreshing to see someone who looks at me fondly. The issue is I don't care for these girls and can't get my ex out of my head. Logically I know I need to move on but I am still trying to get back with her even though she keeps rejecting me.

If anyone else has gone through separation/divorce I would appreciate some advice on how you got over your ex. My plan, even though it's not bringing me as much joy as it did in my youth, is to date a few women and focus on work.
First off, you aren't ready to start dating. Just focus on yourself and the things you like to do. Become happy with you just being you and the ex might find that she loves you again, then you can make the decision whether or not you want it to be over. Shitty position to be in and there's no right answer, but I'll guarantee you that if you focus on yourself for a while you'll be better for it.
 

lazysunday

Newbie
Aug 11, 2012
22
14
3
Im sorry to hear you are going through this. Focus on doing right and improving yourself. Hows your relationship with the Big Fella? Do not over-pursue your wife. If you focus on self improvement and positivity, she may notice and want the peace that you have. Take care.
 

little a

Junior
Jul 4, 2001
1,860
1,133
113
Sounds like you’ve done everything possible to “work the problem”- my only advice is for you and your ex to come to an understanding to be “adults” when it comes to raising your kids i.e. no badmouthing the other in front of kids, they’re affected the most by this.
 

salsa red

Walk On
Dec 25, 2019
184
300
63
Thanks for the advice guys. We've come to an agreement about what I'll owe and we still talk on friendly terms. We've consulted a few lawyers and will likely do the cooperative divorce if it comes to it. We're also good parents and tried to keep some normalcy for the kids.
And dating other women is a welcome distraction for me. It's all practice for me and I go in knowing that its not a long term thing.

I've also done a lot around the house and fixed up a vehicle with a lot of issues when I don't have the kids.
 
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Husker.Wed.

Athletic Director
Feb 13, 2004
14,537
3,737
113
Omaha Metro
"I would appreciate some advice on how you got over your ex."

I was not divorced, but broke off a serious relationship. Like other grief from a loss, the death of a parent for instance, I never got over her, just thought less about her each day, month, year. I think of it as a graph where the curve of "thoughts per day"goes toward zero over time, but flattens out and the curve never quite touches zero. I still think about her occasionally after 40 years, some memories good, some bad. I felt normal again after a year or two when I didn't think about her "all the time", but only "once in awhile". Time heals all and it will get better. Good luck.
 

NikkiSixx

Graduate Assistant
Sep 14, 2013
5,569
3,691
113
So this is the season of off topic discussions and since this site is mostly guys I wanted to see if you guys had some advice for my situation. It's a bit long fyi.
I was with my wife for 11 years and have 2 kids. She decided she was unhappy and wanted end the marriage last year, I think 2 of her "feminist" friends poisoned her mind. There was no cheating or anything, we were just going through a rough period. We went to counseling but counselor said he couldn't help.

I put some effort to win her back but it didn't get anywhere. It seemed like the more I tried the more pissed she became.

So we had to live together while she prepared to buy her own place and she kept rejecting my attempts to reconcile. When I tried to get romantic she would tell me not to touch her. She even said a few times "don't touch me, go **** someone else, you have my permission"

This went on for 3 months and when she was a few weeks from moving out I met someone to go on a date with. I told her about it beforehand and she said that it was good for me to move on.
Anyways date went well and when I came home late she was waiting for me and started crying and saying how could you do this to me. She said she wanted some time away and maybe eventually work things out. I was confused but it really effected me seeing her upset and I broke things off with the other woman even though she was really into me.

So she moved out about 3 months ago and I'm trying to move on but struggling. I've gone on a 2 dates and its refreshing to see someone who looks at me fondly. The issue is I don't care for these girls and can't get my ex out of my head. Logically I know I need to move on but I am still trying to get back with her even though she keeps rejecting me.

If anyone else has gone through separation/divorce I would appreciate some advice on how you got over your ex. My plan, even though it's not bringing me as much joy as it did in my youth, is to date a few women and focus on work.
Look up something called 'the red pill'. Read all you can about it. It will explain why she reacted negatively to your attempts to reconcile, and why she reacted 'positively' when you went on the date. I mean positive in that she wanted you back while you were on that date.

If you want to actually save the marriage, you must demonstrate that you are willing to leave the relationship at any time. Don't just take my word for it. It took me a very long time to figure all this out, and I wish someone had taught me about these things when I was younger. Do not listen to those cuckolds or white knights that think if they are nice to a woman, they will get something in return. It doesn't work like that. You hold the keys to the relationship, she holds the keys to sex. You have the upper hand.
 

JohnRossEwing

Offensive Coordinator
Jul 4, 2013
9,330
7,118
113
I have a friend that just went through this. For years I hardly heard from him...now I hear from him all the time (every other week, ha) "wanna golf", "wanna play poker", "wanna meet out for drinks", "wanna get some wings"

He doesn't know what to do with his free time when he doesn't have his kids.
 

Beaguljuice

Redshirt Freshman
Jun 7, 2017
840
962
93
So this is the season of off topic discussions and since this site is mostly guys I wanted to see if you guys had some advice for my situation. It's a bit long fyi.
I was with my wife for 11 years and have 2 kids. She decided she was unhappy and wanted end the marriage last year, I think 2 of her "feminist" friends poisoned her mind. There was no cheating or anything, we were just going through a rough period. We went to counseling but counselor said he couldn't help.

I put some effort to win her back but it didn't get anywhere. It seemed like the more I tried the more pissed she became.

So we had to live together while she prepared to buy her own place and she kept rejecting my attempts to reconcile. When I tried to get romantic she would tell me not to touch her. She even said a few times "don't touch me, go **** someone else, you have my permission"

This went on for 3 months and when she was a few weeks from moving out I met someone to go on a date with. I told her about it beforehand and she said that it was good for me to move on.
Anyways date went well and when I came home late she was waiting for me and started crying and saying how could you do this to me. She said she wanted some time away and maybe eventually work things out. I was confused but it really effected me seeing her upset and I broke things off with the other woman even though she was really into me.

So she moved out about 3 months ago and I'm trying to move on but struggling. I've gone on a 2 dates and its refreshing to see someone who looks at me fondly. The issue is I don't care for these girls and can't get my ex out of my head. Logically I know I need to move on but I am still trying to get back with her even though she keeps rejecting me.

If anyone else has gone through separation/divorce I would appreciate some advice on how you got over your ex. My plan, even though it's not bringing me as much joy as it did in my youth, is to date a few women and focus on work.
Time.

Don't be in a rush to be "involved" right away.

The longer you are apart, the less it will hurt. Close the door to any last hope, etc. That will help the healing process.

Also, focus on all the things you disliked about her. Try not to isolate, I know it's tough during this virus situation, but get out. Work out. Do things you couldn't do when you were married.

Take a look deep inside of yourself. There are probably things you need to change about you, before you can be a viable partner again. Journaling can be a great help. While you are in this "rebound stage", your idea of what you want out of a partner will change a few times.

As for the dating game. Take your time. Bang a few skanks. It will help clear your mind and also assist you in realizing what you don't want. Don't get too excited about women "liking" you. You're probably raw and not in the best place mentally. A lot of women in our age group back in the dating game are "damaged goods". A lot of them are convinced that Brad Pitt is coming to rescue them. Well, he didn't want her when she was 25, he certainly won't want her at 45. Stay away from the women fresh out of long marriages or relationships, unless you just want your nuts hanging out the side, of her, balls deep. All these women stating they "want to live their best life" or "live life to the fullest". Yes, their life will be much fuller stuffed full of your co#k. Those ones especially, are good for nothing more than that.

I say this, because I can't tell you how many of these women ended up going back to their "significant others". I would try to find someone that has been single for at least a year, no separated, divorce almost final, etc. No expectations, no heartaches. Take your strongest trait and make it irresistible.

At the end of the day, don't make your life focus about finding a new partner in the near term. Focus on you, your kids, it's a journey.
 
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mauze1

Newbie
Jul 11, 2012
18
13
3
So this is the season of off topic discussions and since this site is mostly guys I wanted to see if you guys had some advice for my situation. It's a bit long fyi.
I was with my wife for 11 years and have 2 kids. She decided she was unhappy and wanted end the marriage last year, I think 2 of her "feminist" friends poisoned her mind. There was no cheating or anything, we were just going through a rough period. We went to counseling but counselor said he couldn't help.

I put some effort to win her back but it didn't get anywhere. It seemed like the more I tried the more pissed she became.

So we had to live together while she prepared to buy her own place and she kept rejecting my attempts to reconcile. When I tried to get romantic she would tell me not to touch her. She even said a few times "don't touch me, go **** someone else, you have my permission"

This went on for 3 months and when she was a few weeks from moving out I met someone to go on a date with. I told her about it beforehand and she said that it was good for me to move on.
Anyways date went well and when I came home late she was waiting for me and started crying and saying how could you do this to me. She said she wanted some time away and maybe eventually work things out. I was confused but it really effected me seeing her upset and I broke things off with the other woman even though she was really into me.

So she moved out about 3 months ago and I'm trying to move on but struggling. I've gone on a 2 dates and its refreshing to see someone who looks at me fondly. The issue is I don't care for these girls and can't get my ex out of my head. Logically I know I need to move on but I am still trying to get back with her even though she keeps rejecting me.

If anyone else has gone through separation/divorce I would appreciate some advice on how you got over your ex. My plan, even though it's not bringing me as much joy as it did in my youth, is to date a few women and focus on work.
I can only relate to my own experience. I lost the girl of my dreams and it was my fault. My high school girl friend was gorgeous and we mutually ended our romance when we went off to college. Then I met the girl of my dreams. She was not as beautiful as my HS sweetheart but there was something about her I couldn’t resist. I was off at college and she was in another town, not too far away. But I was without a car and played football, so my fall weekends were spent on campus. Finally on an open week, I went to see her. She was in the process of going out with another guy. I got really pissed, started a fight with the guy, while she was trying to explain that he was an art student in her class and they were just friends. As my mother would say, I acted ugly! My jealousy took me down, alienated her and that was the end. She saw that ugly side of me.

I tell you that so I can tell you one little thing that really helped me get over my loss. This may sound silly and I have never shared this with anyone because it sounds so silly, but it is the truth. It was a Bob Dylan song sung be Peter Paul and Mary. “ Don’t Think Twice.” I focused on the line that said, “ I’ll find another one like you, so don’t be blue, I’ll have a thousand ‘fore I’m through.” I drilled it into my head by playing it over and over, until the day came when I met my wife. I look back on that as a learning lesson in manners, self control and understanding. It was ugly but I learned a lot. First, I learned no matter how bad I felt, time would heal. Second, I learned to move on optimistically, understanding my faults and fixing them. I never gave up believing that the right girl would come along and I needed to be ready. I am married to the Real Girl Of My Dreams, the one who fit that empty picture frame. We have been married for 25 years.

Hope this helps. It was a while ago, but I’ve been there too.
 

WHCSC

Blackshirt
Feb 4, 2002
3,362
4,015
113
Look up something called 'the red pill'. Read all you can about it. It will explain why she reacted negatively to your attempts to reconcile, and why she reacted 'positively' when you went on the date. I mean positive in that she wanted you back while you were on that date.

If you want to actually save the marriage, you must demonstrate that you are willing to leave the relationship at any time. Don't just take my word for it. It took me a very long time to figure all this out, and I wish someone had taught me about these things when I was younger. Do not listen to those cuckolds or white knights that think if they are nice to a woman, they will get something in return. It doesn't work like that. You hold the keys to the relationship, she holds the keys to sex. You have the upper hand.
My only advice is to not listen to anything in this post :D
 

TheNewNU

Blackshirt
Dec 27, 2014
3,160
3,602
113
Look up something called 'the red pill'. Read all you can about it. It will explain why she reacted negatively to your attempts to reconcile, and why she reacted 'positively' when you went on the date. I mean positive in that she wanted you back while you were on that date.

If you want to actually save the marriage, you must demonstrate that you are willing to leave the relationship at any time. Don't just take my word for it. It took me a very long time to figure all this out, and I wish someone had taught me about these things when I was younger. Do not listen to those cuckolds or white knights that think if they are nice to a woman, they will get something in return. It doesn't work like that. You hold the keys to the relationship, she holds the keys to sex. You have the upper hand.
https://www.mgtow.com/manosphere/
 
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Oct 12, 2016
1,811
1,292
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So this is the season of off topic discussions and since this site is mostly guys I wanted to see if you guys had some advice for my situation. It's a bit long fyi.
I was with my wife for 11 years and have 2 kids. She decided she was unhappy and wanted end the marriage last year, I think 2 of her "feminist" friends poisoned her mind. There was no cheating or anything, we were just going through a rough period. We went to counseling but counselor said he couldn't help.

I put some effort to win her back but it didn't get anywhere. It seemed like the more I tried the more pissed she became.

So we had to live together while she prepared to buy her own place and she kept rejecting my attempts to reconcile. When I tried to get romantic she would tell me not to touch her. She even said a few times "don't touch me, go **** someone else, you have my permission"

This went on for 3 months and when she was a few weeks from moving out I met someone to go on a date with. I told her about it beforehand and she said that it was good for me to move on.
Anyways date went well and when I came home late she was waiting for me and started crying and saying how could you do this to me. She said she wanted some time away and maybe eventually work things out. I was confused but it really effected me seeing her upset and I broke things off with the other woman even though she was really into me.

So she moved out about 3 months ago and I'm trying to move on but struggling. I've gone on a 2 dates and its refreshing to see someone who looks at me fondly. The issue is I don't care for these girls and can't get my ex out of my head. Logically I know I need to move on but I am still trying to get back with her even though she keeps rejecting me.

If anyone else has gone through separation/divorce I would appreciate some advice on how you got over your ex. My plan, even though it's not bringing me as much joy as it did in my youth, is to date a few women and focus on work.
If she is actively seeing some other guy drop her, move on, it's over. If it's with another woman, i'd give her a short 2nd chance, then move on.
 

mthskrdoc

Newbie
Gold Member
Oct 16, 2007
98
114
33
Went through this over 40 years ago. Married, 2 young children and starting my career. I’m truly convinced there is a physical, metabolic condition that the female gender has. I’ve seen it numerous time and seems to run the same course in most instances. I’ve got 2 friends that are family councilors and they see this also.
First get yourself and your children some help and support because it does change your family and it’s effects are forever. It doesn’t just go away. Be very aware of outside influences that affect your decisions. Alcohol, music, opposite sex relationships can be ver destructive to your long term goals. You were first a lover and a husband and that seems to have failed. Second, you became a father and you don’t want that to be a failure. BE THE BEST FATHER EVER. Don’t try to buy it. If a decision arises that involves your children and what you think you need, decide on your children. It goes fast and the children aren’t around long enough.
They will be your best support now and forever. There are many support groups that are beneficial and great family resources to read and learn.
I had never heard of Dr James Dobson but I couldn’t get enough of his teaching.
Now, today. I’m happily married (which takes a lot of work). We have 4 children between us, 2 each from our first marriages. All 4 children are healthy and comfortable in today’s culture. I have a forgiven friendship with my X and are enjoying the grandkids that we have been blessed with. Life isn’t easy and takes a lot of patience, understanding and forgiveness but it is a gift to live in this country and enjoy what so many other people in this world would give their life for their children to experience. God bless.
 
Oct 12, 2016
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In all seriousness, people are always searching for fullfillment, meaning in their lives, people always think their spouse is suppose to do this for them, people are sinners not perfect and there is always some let downs when other people are involved. Look at hollywood, people going thru 6-7 marriages like a drop of the hat. Wether it's women and sex, money, fame, drugs, alcohol, addictions are people's attempt to fill that God shaped void. My only real advice is to know women are emotional creatures, I'd look to what the Creator of the Universe can offer and go from there.
 

tarheelhusker

Defensive Coordinator
Mar 28, 2003
7,733
2,026
113
Blood on the Tracks
www.nsa.gov
Marvin Gaye put out an album way back concerning the pain of his own divorce, “Here My Dear”. Check it out on you tube. It’s a powerful album. Likewise, Boz Scaggs has music that will help strengthen you. I really like the tune, “My Time.” Also just a click away on the tube.

“Any man that understands a woman, is one.” Waylon Jennings
 

big red22

Offensive Coordinator
Dec 15, 2003
8,336
1,355
113
So this is the season of off topic discussions and since this site is mostly guys I wanted to see if you guys had some advice for my situation. It's a bit long fyi.
I was with my wife for 11 years and have 2 kids. She decided she was unhappy and wanted end the marriage last year, I think 2 of her "feminist" friends poisoned her mind. There was no cheating or anything, we were just going through a rough period. We went to counseling but counselor said he couldn't help.

I put some effort to win her back but it didn't get anywhere. It seemed like the more I tried the more pissed she became.

So we had to live together while she prepared to buy her own place and she kept rejecting my attempts to reconcile. When I tried to get romantic she would tell me not to touch her. She even said a few times "don't touch me, go **** someone else, you have my permission"

This went on for 3 months and when she was a few weeks from moving out I met someone to go on a date with. I told her about it beforehand and she said that it was good for me to move on.
Anyways date went well and when I came home late she was waiting for me and started crying and saying how could you do this to me. She said she wanted some time away and maybe eventually work things out. I was confused but it really effected me seeing her upset and I broke things off with the other woman even though she was really into me.

So she moved out about 3 months ago and I'm trying to move on but struggling. I've gone on a 2 dates and its refreshing to see someone who looks at me fondly. The issue is I don't care for these girls and can't get my ex out of my head. Logically I know I need to move on but I am still trying to get back with her even though she keeps rejecting me.

If anyone else has gone through separation/divorce I would appreciate some advice on how you got over your ex. My plan, even though it's not bringing me as much joy as it did in my youth, is to date a few women and focus on work.
Sir... I went through the exact same thing. I was married for 13 yrs and one child. You're story is almost spot on. She started hanging out with a bunch of middle aged single (sorry for saying this but overweight) women from her work. Never saw these women for more than 2 minutes or talked to these women ever. So they didn't even know me! For the last 6 months of my marriage she forgot she was a wife, and worse a mother. She would be out 6 days a week, and would come home no earlier than 10PM.

I'm sure they all told her, "you don't need a man if he isn't making you happy." They have no idea about the responsibilities of a marriage with children, because they have been single their whole life. Yet they have great marriage advice! Sorry, but I call bs!

Anyway it has been two years now, and I have found someone new and it's been going fantastic. I have never been happier! My son on the other hand is 12, and he is the big loser in all of it. He is sad and lost. He like myself sees a therapist. He lost all motivation in sports and school, and I feel helpless. He has moments where he is happy lately, but it is few and far between.

My tip for you is make sure your two children both are a priority "over" your personal life. Make your personal life time, is the time your ex wife has the kids. They will need their dad more than ever before! Then once you feel like you have found someone new that you feel like will be a keeper. Gradually introduce them to this new person, but making sure they are a keeper is important.

Your soon to be ex wife does not deserve you brother. That selfishness is called narcissistic tendencies. Her happiness is more important that your or your children's. Once she decided to give up is when she became selfish. Let her go, and move on. Life is too short to let her keep stringing you along.
 

Lincoln100

Defensive Coordinator
Jun 16, 2010
7,182
3,878
113
Sir... I went through the exact same thing. I was married for 13 yrs and one child. You're story is almost spot on. She started hanging out with a bunch of middle aged single (sorry for saying this but overweight) women from her work. Never saw these women for more than 2 minutes or talked to these women ever. So they didn't even know me! For the last 6 months of my marriage she forgot she was a wife, and worse a mother. She would be out 6 days a week, and would come home no earlier than 10PM.

I'm sure they all told her, "you don't need a man if he isn't making you happy." They have no idea about the responsibilities of a marriage with children, because they have been single their whole life. Yet they have great marriage advice! Sorry, but I call bs!

Anyway it has been two years now, and I have found someone new and it's been going fantastic. I have never been happier! My son on the other hand is 12, and he is the big loser in all of it. He is sad and lost. He like myself sees a therapist. He lost all motivation in sports and school, and I feel helpless. He has moments where he is happy lately, but it is few and far between.

My tip for you is make sure your two children both are a priority "over" your personal life. Make your personal life time, is the time your ex wife has the kids. They will need their dad more than ever before! Then once you feel like you have found someone new that you feel like will be a keeper. Gradually introduce them to this new person, but making sure they are a keeper is important.

Your soon to be ex wife does not deserve you brother. That selfishness is called narcissistic tendencies. Her happiness is more important that your or your children's. Once she decided to give up is when she became selfish. Let her go, and move on. Life is too short to let her keep stringing you along.
It sucks, I mean really really sucks, watching kids suffer through it when one parent isn’t a parent. Just love your kids and be as engaged as much as you can with them.
 

klemman

Graduate Assistant
Jan 31, 2002
5,828
76
48
Was in a similar situation nearly 20 years ago. Wife and I together 12 years, 2 sons, no infidelity or abuse. Just drifted in different directions. There was a period of mixed emotions and messaging for both of us along the way.

One day a good friend who had moved out of town a couple of year later was visiting his parents. We went out to a bar. When I told him that my wife and I were separated, he tried to give me a pep talk about how great a couple we were and that we would figure things out and get back together.

When I told him we had been separated for six months he goes, “Six months??!! F’ the B’, let’s do shots.”

We still laugh about it today because not only was that a great line, but that was what I needed to hear at the time. The point was that I needed to move on. It might be by myself, with someone else, or even if we got back together, move on because it would never be the same. Looking back I found myself at the time missing what we would no longer have and would never be, but not necessarily who I was with. That would be gone regardless of what we ended up doing. Even if we got back together.

I ended up having some fun dating several women, and getting serious with one a couple of years later. Five years after sitting in the bar doing shots, I married the woman and we had twin boys. I also got a stepdaughter who as an adult changed her last name to mine. On June 11 we celebrated our 15th Anniversary.

I hope my story helps. Good-luck.
 

salsa red

Walk On
Dec 25, 2019
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Thanks guys, I really appreciate the comments, its nice to know I'm not alone and life after a failed marriage can still be good.
 

mauze1

Newbie
Jul 11, 2012
18
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Use to live in Greensboro. Retired to WV due to grandkids.
I live in Henderson County, on Pinnacle Mountain. Lived in Colorado for quite a while, long enough to hate the Buffs and pull for Big Red. Hope the Huskers can get back to where they should be. I think we have the right coach to do it, but we fans need to be patient.

My wife and I are from Greenville, SC. We love living at 4,000 ft. It is 88 right now in Greenville and 73 here. We are 25 minutes from Greenville.

Where in WV? We have been doing some culture touring in WV. It is a beautiful state. It’s almost heaven. LOL
 
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RedMyMind

Blackshirt
Aug 22, 2017
3,168
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Thanks guys, I really appreciate the comments, its nice to know I'm not alone and life after a failed marriage can still be good.
I'm on my second marriage and my ex is on her 3rd. I work in the same building as her and I know that pisses her off. ;)
 
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tarheelhusker

Defensive Coordinator
Mar 28, 2003
7,733
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Blood on the Tracks
www.nsa.gov
I live in Henderson County, on Pinnacle Mountain. Lived in Colorado for quite a while, long enough to hate the Buffs and pull for Big Red. Hope the Huskers can get back to where they should be. I think we have the right coach to do it, but we fans need to be patient.

My wife and I are from Greenville, SC. We love living at 4,000 ft. It is 88 right now in Greenville and 73 here. We are 25 minutes from Greenville.

Where in WV? We have been doing some culture touring in WV. It is a beautiful state. It’s almost heaven. LOL
We came within a whisker of retiring in Hendersonville or Brevard. You and your bride chose the best.
I traveled the state and was asked to choose Greensboro/Winston/High Point area due to territory size.

Being a transplant from Omaha, I had tears of joy when I saw my first spring, so many flowers & trees & scenery. Absolutely gorgeous state.
We loved North Cackalacky.

ps.. we live about 50 miles north of Charleston. Roane county, Spencer WV. 4 stoplight town. To borrow a line from Marshall Tucker, “time don’t come by here no more.” Our town is like Mayberry (& that ain’t all bad). Nice posting with ya!
 
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Baxter48

All-American
Sep 22, 2010
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Gods country
Find I top notch divorce attorney, don’t get drunk in any type of public settings don’t be posting shit on any type of social media where her friends can read and copy it. Remember everyone has a phone camera, protect yourself, money property stocks etc. don’t feel sorry for her, remember she wanted out. I’m not divorced but a couple of close friends have been. So I’ve heard most of the do’s and don’t. And of course bitch payments
 
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bshirt73

Senior
Aug 31, 2014
2,546
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Marvin Gaye put out an album way back concerning the pain of his own divorce, “Here My Dear”. Check it out on you tube. It’s a powerful album. Likewise, Boz Scaggs has music that will help strengthen you. I really like the tune, “My Time.” Also just a click away on the tube.

Any man that understands a woman, is one.” Waylon Jennings
Waylon was a VERY sharp dude.
 
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SLOHusker

Sophomore
Aug 7, 2001
1,219
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So this is the season of off topic discussions and since this site is mostly guys I wanted to see if you guys had some advice for my situation. It's a bit long fyi.
I was with my wife for 11 years and have 2 kids. She decided she was unhappy and wanted end the marriage last year, I think 2 of her "feminist" friends poisoned her mind. There was no cheating or anything, we were just going through a rough period. We went to counseling but counselor said he couldn't help.

I put some effort to win her back but it didn't get anywhere. It seemed like the more I tried the more pissed she became.

So we had to live together while she prepared to buy her own place and she kept rejecting my attempts to reconcile. When I tried to get romantic she would tell me not to touch her. She even said a few times "don't touch me, go **** someone else, you have my permission"

This went on for 3 months and when she was a few weeks from moving out I met someone to go on a date with. I told her about it beforehand and she said that it was good for me to move on.
Anyways date went well and when I came home late she was waiting for me and started crying and saying how could you do this to me. She said she wanted some time away and maybe eventually work things out. I was confused but it really effected me seeing her upset and I broke things off with the other woman even though she was really into me.

So she moved out about 3 months ago and I'm trying to move on but struggling. I've gone on a 2 dates and its refreshing to see someone who looks at me fondly. The issue is I don't care for these girls and can't get my ex out of my head. Logically I know I need to move on but I am still trying to get back with her even though she keeps rejecting me.

If anyone else has gone through separation/divorce I would appreciate some advice on how you got over your ex. My plan, even though it's not bringing me as much joy as it did in my youth, is to date a few women and focus on work.
All I can say is that she made the decision to leave and you need to take care of yourself and your happiness. Don't try to win her back. Her "friends" have poisoned her and changed her from who she once was and it's not likely she will realize any time soon what she gave up. But that doesn't mean you go back. You go forward. Don't date yet - you won't be able to offer your best self. Enjoy the bars, travel in your free time. Get away from everything (maybe even move to another state if it helps your state of mind). Don't close her off completely because of the kids but limit it to business. As much as you might believe she will want you back, waiting for her or hoping for it will only keep you miserable. If, and I do mean a huge if, after a year or two your ex wants to rekindle something make sure it is she who puts forth the effort to fully win you back and not vice versa (remember you did nothing wrong and it is entirely on her). But in the interim there are millions of women that are now better for you.
 
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