Fat, drunk, and stupid is no way to go through life son.
OT: Go To One-Liners
- Thread starter Huskerpro
- Start date
A heavy rainstorm is the equivalent of cow piss on a flat rock.
I'm not saying you're stupid, but you seem to have bad luck when it comes to thinking
I'm not saying you're stupid, but you seem to have bad luck when it comes to thinking
All hat and no cattle
His haircut looks like a flattop with mutiny on the poopdeck
She looks like nine miles of bad road
She looks like she was rode hard and put up wet
He is uooogly, which is 1000 times ugly
Her face would stop a clock
The light is on, but no one is home
His elevator doesn't go all the way to the top
You are average son, but that's OK, most people are
Dumber than a doornail
Dumb as a bag of rocks
His haircut looks like a flattop with mutiny on the poopdeck
She looks like nine miles of bad road
She looks like she was rode hard and put up wet
He is uooogly, which is 1000 times ugly
Her face would stop a clock
The light is on, but no one is home
His elevator doesn't go all the way to the top
You are average son, but that's OK, most people are
Dumber than a doornail
Dumb as a bag of rocks
Days like we're having is where that came from. Most well diggers get called out to work on wells on weekends and extremely cold weather. Most of their work is done bent over or on their knees exposing the crack of their ass
One of my dad's favorites:
If I wanted any $h1t from you I'd squeeze your head.
If I wanted any $h1t from you I'd squeeze your head.
Same quote different words.
If you were half as good as you think you are, you'd be twice as good as you are.
For all you non-mathematicians out there, this is telling someone they are actually one-quarter as good as they think they are.
From a guy I worked with: Did your parents have any kids that lived?
What I used to tell students when they were learning auto collision and complained about how difficult something was: If it was easy, the guy would have done it himself.
What we used to tell customers: We can fix anything but a broken heart.
Then there are the endless "if brains were _________ you wouldn't have enough to _________________.
What I used to tell students when they were learning auto collision and complained about how difficult something was: If it was easy, the guy would have done it himself.
What we used to tell customers: We can fix anything but a broken heart.
Then there are the endless "if brains were _________ you wouldn't have enough to _________________.
God must love stupid people, he made so many of them.
She is so ugly her looks would knock a buzzard off a trash truck.
You are depriving some poor village of their idiot.
If I throw a stick will you leave?
Clumsier than a cub bear with an arm full of shucked corn.
She is so ugly her looks would knock a buzzard off a trash truck.
You are depriving some poor village of their idiot.
If I throw a stick will you leave?
Clumsier than a cub bear with an arm full of shucked corn.
I always heard the last one as "Buy them books and buy them books, but all they do is look at the pictures"
but yours works as well!
My father used to always say, "I buy you books, but all you do is eat the covers."
My favs are:
That's what she said -someone beat me to that one
You can't fix stupid
That's what she said -someone beat me to that one
You can't fix stupid
In the words of Joe Biden,
I'm going to put a cap on the day at noon tomorrow.
I'm going to put a cap on the day at noon tomorrow.
When my dad was a teenager he said this old time local farmer came up to a group of them and said, "When I was your age I would spread my seed and then hope for crop failure."
Colder than a brass monkey.
Hotter than a 3 peckered Billy goat.
You' ve been eating too many retard sandwiches.
Hotter than a 3 peckered Billy goat.
You' ve been eating too many retard sandwiches.
Stolen from the pull up thread, credit to @250vertical
short armed dudes can do more pull-ups than long armed dudes. Once they get going it’s like a beagle on a bitch
short armed dudes can do more pull-ups than long armed dudes. Once they get going it’s like a beagle on a bitch
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