OT: Experience losing a loved one

[c3o]

Thanks, all for all the kind words, advice and prayers. Very nice of all of you to share. We are all very blessed

 

[spartanhusker]

Dad passed unexpectedly. 69 years old. Healthy guy who worked out. My parents and my wife’s parents are always at my house with the kids. One day dad came out of our den (where the kids play video games) holding his chest. My mother is a RN and took to his side and I called 911. Wasn’t a heart attack. Still went to ER. He had a dissected aorta and was rushed into emergency surgery. He made it through surgery but never got off breathing machine and his aorta dissected above where they fixed it.

I was the last person to talk with him. He was my best friend.

I took it pretty hard. I lost weight I didn’t need to. I’m 6’ tall and went down to 165lb. I’m usually 175lb. Lost my appetite. Fell into a depression that I’m finally coming out of. I also got sick, either gave myself gastritis or an ulcer, had to take PPIs which are helping but I don’t want to be on any pill.

Funny thing is, it’s been almost a month since he passed and it doesn’t feel real.

I’m doing much better now but that pain of grief and sorrow is very real. Nearly broke me. I’ve never lost someone close. However, my awesome wife and three boys have helped dig me out of the dark place I went to. Each day is getting much better and my overall health has returned.

I guess it’s also nice to hear others stories. It helps to hear you’re not alone when it comes to being nearly crushed from a close one’s death.

My poor dad. Gone too soon. My poor mom misses him so much.

It’s nice to write this down.

Losing someone you care about is very difficult

Oh my goodness… glad you shared… this board has many functions and I think is one of the best ones… encouragement …
I’m a bit older than your dad… I know my kids joke a little about my age but we know someday….
Blessings and comfort to you

 

[spartanhusker]

Oh my goodness… glad you shared… this board has many functions and I think is one of the best ones… encouragement …
I’m a bit older than your dad… I know my kids joke a little about my age but we know someday….
Blessings and comfort to you

And if I may add… it was thoughtful of you to invite people in to talk… even later, brings a salve….
My parents were ready to go …79 and 82… my granddaughter at 10 months… well, that was different…

 

[GBRforLife1]

Dad passed unexpectedly. 69 years old. Healthy guy who worked out. My parents and my wife’s parents are always at my house with the kids. One day dad came out of our den (where the kids play video games) holding his chest. My mother is a RN and took to his side and I called 911. Wasn’t a heart attack. Still went to ER. He had a dissected aorta and was rushed into emergency surgery. He made it through surgery but never got off breathing machine and his aorta dissected above where they fixed it.

I was the last person to talk with him. He was my best friend.

I took it pretty hard. I lost weight I didn’t need to. I’m 6’ tall and went down to 165lb. I’m usually 175lb. Lost my appetite. Fell into a depression that I’m finally coming out of. I also got sick, either gave myself gastritis or an ulcer, had to take PPIs which are helping but I don’t want to be on any pill.

Funny thing is, it’s been almost a month since he passed and it doesn’t feel real.

I’m doing much better now but that pain of grief and sorrow is very real. Nearly broke me. I’ve never lost someone close. However, my awesome wife and three boys have helped dig me out of the dark place I went to. Each day is getting much better and my overall health has returned.

I guess it’s also nice to hear others stories. It helps to hear you’re not alone when it comes to being nearly crushed from a close one’s death.

My poor dad. Gone too soon. My poor mom misses him so much.

It’s nice to write this down.

Losing someone you care about is very difficult

Sorry man. When these things happen I always think celebrating life is better than mourning loss. Just how I choose to look at it and it might now work for you.

 

[keilwitzg]

Dad passed unexpectedly. 69 years old. Healthy guy who worked out. My parents and my wife’s parents are always at my house with the kids. One day dad came out of our den (where the kids play video games) holding his chest. My mother is a RN and took to his side and I called 911. Wasn’t a heart attack. Still went to ER. He had a dissected aorta and was rushed into emergency surgery. He made it through surgery but never got off breathing machine and his aorta dissected above where they fixed it.

I was the last person to talk with him. He was my best friend.

I took it pretty hard. I lost weight I didn’t need to. I’m 6’ tall and went down to 165lb. I’m usually 175lb. Lost my appetite. Fell into a depression that I’m finally coming out of. I also got sick, either gave myself gastritis or an ulcer, had to take PPIs which are helping but I don’t want to be on any pill.

Funny thing is, it’s been almost a month since he passed and it doesn’t feel real.

I’m doing much better now but that pain of grief and sorrow is very real. Nearly broke me. I’ve never lost someone close. However, my awesome wife and three boys have helped dig me out of the dark place I went to. Each day is getting much better and my overall health has returned.

I guess it’s also nice to hear others stories. It helps to hear you’re not alone when it comes to being nearly crushed from a close one’s death.

My poor dad. Gone too soon. My poor mom misses him so much.

It’s nice to write this down.

Losing someone you care about is very diffi

Dad passed unexpectedly. 69 years old. Healthy guy who worked out. My parents and my wife’s parents are always at my house with the kids. One day dad came out of our den (where the kids play video games) holding his chest. My mother is a RN and took to his side and I called 911. Wasn’t a heart attack. Still went to ER. He had a dissected aorta and was rushed into emergency surgery. He made it through surgery but never got off breathing machine and his aorta dissected above where they fixed it.

I was the last person to talk with him. He was my best friend.

I took it pretty hard. I lost weight I didn’t need to. I’m 6’ tall and went down to 165lb. I’m usually 175lb. Lost my appetite. Fell into a depression that I’m finally coming out of. I also got sick, either gave myself gastritis or an ulcer, had to take PPIs which are helping but I don’t want to be on any pill.

Funny thing is, it’s been almost a month since he passed and it doesn’t feel real.

I’m doing much better now but that pain of grief and sorrow is very real. Nearly broke me. I’ve never lost someone close. However, my awesome wife and three boys have helped dig me out of the dark place I went to. Each day is getting much better and my overall health has returned.

I guess it’s also nice to hear others stories. It helps to hear you’re not alone when it comes to being nearly crushed from a close one’s death.

My poor dad. Gone too soon. My poor mom misses him so much.

It’s nice to write this down.

Losing someone you care about is very difficult

Very sorry for your loss @c3o
Peace be with you and your family during this difficult time. Cherish the good times that you had with your dad, and remember the lessons he taught you. They will be priceless during your journey…

 

[bigboxes]

Sorry for your loss, c3o. My father passed in 1996 af the age of 68. Mother passed away in 2017. Wife passed in 2019. Personally, my wife's passing was the worst. Twice as bad as my mother's passing, which was twice as bad as my father's passing. No matter the age, there is never enough time. You had a good relationship with your father. He knew you loved him. That's what's important. There's no easy way through this but time. I offer prayers to you, your family and all that loved your father. Blessings.

 

[Antwill]

It's such a surreal experience to lose your first parent. My Dad died in 2014 at 77, but we knew it was coming (cancer) and I had time to prepare for his passing and spend time with him before he died. I was blessed to be with him at the very end.

I always thought that I would want to go quickly, but there were so many blessings during his dying process. Because of that time, there was nothing left unsaid. I now hope that I am able to have that time with my loved ones, too.

What you are experiencing is much different. I'm not sure how I would have responded if I would have lost my dad suddenly. All I can say is that God can and will bring something good from this tragedy. I will pray for you and your family. God bless.

 

[dragonraider1]

Dad passed unexpectedly. 69 years old. Healthy guy who worked out. My parents and my wife’s parents are always at my house with the kids. One day dad came out of our den (where the kids play video games) holding his chest. My mother is a RN and took to his side and I called 911. Wasn’t a heart attack. Still went to ER. He had a dissected aorta and was rushed into emergency surgery. He made it through surgery but never got off breathing machine and his aorta dissected above where they fixed it.

I was the last person to talk with him. He was my best friend.

I took it pretty hard. I lost weight I didn’t need to. I’m 6’ tall and went down to 165lb. I’m usually 175lb. Lost my appetite. Fell into a depression that I’m finally coming out of. I also got sick, either gave myself gastritis or an ulcer, had to take PPIs which are helping but I don’t want to be on any pill.

Funny thing is, it’s been almost a month since he passed and it doesn’t feel real.

I’m doing much better now but that pain of grief and sorrow is very real. Nearly broke me. I’ve never lost someone close. However, my awesome wife and three boys have helped dig me out of the dark place I went to. Each day is getting much better and my overall health has returned.

I guess it’s also nice to hear others stories. It helps to hear you’re not alone when it comes to being nearly crushed from a close one’s death.

My poor dad. Gone too soon. My poor mom misses him so much.

It’s nice to write this down.

Losing someone you care about is very difficult

My brother passed at nearly the same time. He was 70. He had issues over the last three years so it was not a sudden blow. It is nice to write things down. I just posted mine. Jesus will care for us as His Father will care for His new members in Heaven.

 

[Laner2]

The Irish have such a great way of dealing with passing of loved ones. They cry and they drink and then they laugh and tell jokes (went through this with my dad's passing). I was shocked and then I hit the bottle when it was passed around and then I laughed through my tears. Much better way of dealing with things, at least at the time time it was for me.

 

[OAHU-SKER]

Dad passed unexpectedly. 69 years old. Healthy guy who worked out. My parents and my wife’s parents are always at my house with the kids. One day dad came out of our den (where the kids play video games) holding his chest. My mother is a RN and took to his side and I called 911. Wasn’t a heart attack. Still went to ER. He had a dissected aorta and was rushed into emergency surgery. He made it through surgery but never got off breathing machine and his aorta dissected above where they fixed it.

I was the last person to talk with him. He was my best friend.

I took it pretty hard. I lost weight I didn’t need to. I’m 6’ tall and went down to 165lb. I’m usually 175lb. Lost my appetite. Fell into a depression that I’m finally coming out of. I also got sick, either gave myself gastritis or an ulcer, had to take PPIs which are helping but I don’t want to be on any pill.

Funny thing is, it’s been almost a month since he passed and it doesn’t feel real.

I’m doing much better now but that pain of grief and sorrow is very real. Nearly broke me. I’ve never lost someone close. However, my awesome wife and three boys have helped dig me out of the dark place I went to. Each day is getting much better and my overall health has returned.

I guess it’s also nice to hear others stories. It helps to hear you’re not alone when it comes to being nearly crushed from a close one’s death.

My poor dad. Gone too soon. My poor mom misses him so much.

It’s nice to write this down.

Losing someone you care about is very difficult

Sorry for your loss, it’s been a little over a year since I lost my father. He was 73. It started off as prostate cancer and spread through his bones until it became metastatic and he was no longer able to walk.

I sat by his bedside the last 3 weeks, cleaning and feeding him. He never told very many people how bad of shape he was in cause he didn’t want anyone to worry. I was shocked to find out that the cause of his cancer was Agent Orange from his 2 tours in Vietnam. Apparently there is an incubation period and more people in this world are still dying from that war than what we realize.

I’ve already gone through some of the things you’ve mentioned… the weight loss, and dark places in your mind. I’ve been told that the first year is the hardest. It’s easy to become agitated with things and there will be times of numbness. Things that you once felt were very important may not seem so now.

All I can tell you is that whatever happened, you must know that it’s not your fault and it’s something you have no control over. For a long time I’ve asked myself was there something else I could of done differently?

I remember the nurse telling me, there’s nothing else anyone can do to help. Just being there at the end is the greatest gift you can give to them.

I wish you luck in your journey. Don’t be scared to reach out to your doctor or the hospital and ask for counsel. You never know what door might open the pathway to healing.

God Bless

 

[HuskerJack95]

I lost my dad in November 2020. He was 98 years old. He had survived 4 heart attacks but succumbed to a fallen tree branch in his back yard. He was trying to clean it up and ruptured a hernia causing internal bleeding. They flew him to Omaha but couldn’t keep his BP up. Because of Covid, my mother wasn’t allowed to see him. He was shooting for 100 and probably would have made it. My mother still lives alone and will be 95 in a couple months.

I lost my 37 year old daughter on March 31, 2022. She was 8+ months pregnant with her 2nd child and was already dilated. She had gone to a concert with her best friend since middle school. The y left the concert early as they both had to be at work early the next day. On the way home, they were struck on the passenger side by a drunk driver who was going 102 mph in a Ford F250 flat bed with full throttle & no braking. My daughter was driving a Nissan Armada (big vehicle). The drunk driver drove ”through” the Armada causing it to roll and burst into flames. The F250 ended up on the other side and he survived. Fortunately, all of the occupants in my daughter’s car, including my unborn grandson, died from blunt force trauma & not from burning to death in the accident. It is extremely difficult to watch the video of the news reports from that night. Dental records were required to officially identify my daughter and her best friend. His BAC was .161 when they tested it about an hour after the accident. He also tested positive for cannabis.

I’ve learned that grief is a long process and is like wading out into the ocean. Waves will hit you at times & almost knock you over. At times, you’ll be able to walk with the flow & feel good. The support group I’m part of tells me that a big wave typically hits around 9 months. I haven’t experienced that yet but I’m expecting it.

Shortly after may daughter’s accident, my sister sent me this note:

Grief never ends…
but it changes.
It’s a passage,
not a place to stay.
Grief is not a sign of weakness,
nor a lack of faith…
It is the price of Love.

Hang in there everyone! My prayers are with each of you in this time of grief.

I live near the site of that awful crash and slow down every time I go through that intersection. I don't know how you have been able to go on with life afterwards.

 

[BigRedBugeaters]

Sorry for your loss. In 08 we lost my 16 year old neighbor to cancer. In May my mom passed at 60. In July I put my dog done in December my wife’s mother passed. It was a tough year but you get through it. Like others have said time helps but you will still have moments.

 

[nudan92]

So sorry to hear about your dad and what you are going through. I lost my dad to cancer in 1991. He was only 46. I was in class at UNL when someone knocked on the door and asked for me. My heart sank, I knew what they were going to tell me. He was at a cancer treatment center in Oklahoma and I was not expecting it to happen. The walk to my car seemed impossible. I went through a long period of depression and also lost weight because I could not eat. You don’t ever get over it, but life does get easier. I’m glad you have your wife and kids to lean on.

 

[Landomatic]

Seems overly simplified, but this is the only thing that truly helped me when trying to get through the pain of the closest loss I've ever experienced...

After a few months of the worst pain and some of the darkest times in my life, my wife sat me down and lovingly asked me if (the person who passed) would want this for me. Would he want me to be living my life this way? Would he want me to be this upset? And the answer was a resounding NO. In fact, he'd probably be pissed off at me for handling it the way I was. And just like that, it literally snapped me out of all of it.

I still think about him and miss him every day. And I often have to remind myself of how he would want me to handle the loss. But from that day forward, things got infinitely better for me. Now, whenever I think about him, my mind usually goes straight to memories of the good times we had and it makes me smile. And I actually feel good about the fact that I'm dealing with it all the way he would want me to.

Sorry for your loss @c3o! Hope this helps at least a little. And also, aside from the above, as cliché as it may seem, I can promise you time really does make it better.

 

[BleedRed78]

So sorry for your loss c30. I take for granted that my parents are still with me and that we are close. This has been eye opening for me, and I must thank you.

May your dad rip in the Lord, and may we all be reunited in His glory come the day of the resurrection.

 

[spartanhusker]

So sorry for your loss c30. I take for granted that my parents are still with me and that we are close. This has been eye opening for me, and I must thank you.

May your dad rip in the Lord, and may we all be reunited in His glory come the day of the resurrection.

this...rest in the Lord....

 

[c3o]

Seems overly simplified, but this is the only thing that truly helped me when trying to get through the pain of the closest loss I've ever experienced...

After a few months of the worst pain and some of the darkest times in my life, my wife sat me down and lovingly asked me if (the person who passed) would want this for me. Would he want me to be living my life this way? Would he want me to be this upset? And the answer was a resounding NO. In fact, he'd probably be pissed off at me for handling it the way I was. And just like that, it literally snapped me out of all of it.

I still think about him and miss him every day. And I often have to remind myself of how he would want me to handle the loss. But from that day forward, things got infinitely better for me. Now, whenever I think about him, my mind usually goes straight to memories of the good times we had and it makes me smile. And I actually feel good about the fact that I'm dealing with it all the way he would want me to.

Sorry for your loss @c3o! Hope this helps at least a little. And also, aside from the above, as cliché as it may seem, I can promise you time really does make it better.

Bro, that is literally what got me back on my feet. I knew my dad wouldn’t want me sulking. He was very proud of me and my success. The mind is very powerful and I am doing much better. Mostly because I have a wife and kids to take care of.

 

[huskerfan66]

Bro, that is literally what got me back on my feet. I knew my dad wouldn’t want me sulking. He was very proud of me and my success. The mind is very powerful and I am doing much better. Mostly because I have a wife and kids to take care of.

Tough love is the best love sometimes. Keep pluggin

 

[Fed-Up]

SO so sorry for your loss ...so many on here definitely can relate to the sory and feelings you have.

I am an old guy (almost 66) and my parents have been gone a while now. Both were relateively yong at 70 when they pasted. Like you all, I do miss them....they were great God-loving generous people....so I know I will see them again!

My Dad died from dementia...he was the nicest guy until dementia got ahold of him...then he was the meanest man alive. When he left us...we felt it was truely a blessing becaause he did deserve better.

Sorry to ramble here....please find comfort for your soul. Unfortunately we all go through this. My genetic make up is against me (we die young and I am already pushing it age -wise)....with my wife of 45 years, we hope to see our grand children grow up to the fine adults we believe they will be!

 

[CameronKrazie86]

Sorry for your loss!!

 

[konaki]

I lost my mom who was a very young 54 and a father two years later. It took me awhile to get over my moms death who I was very close with and there isn't a day I don't think about her. I'm nearly seventy one and it pains me to think my kids will experience the pain of losing a loved one but as I've told them it's a natural process of life everyone will go through. What makes it easier for me is my faith and so the process doesn't seem so daunting because of it. My sincere hope is you will find peace and may your father find eternal peace.

 

[Landomatic]

Bro, that is literally what got me back on my feet. I knew my dad wouldn’t want me sulking. He was very proud of me and my success. The mind is very powerful and I am doing much better. Mostly because I have a wife and kids to take care of.

Good to hear! Keep reminding yourself and I promise it’ll get better every day.

 

[nostromo78]

Sorry to read about your dad. It is a soul crushing loss for a lot of people, me included. Lost my dad to lung cancer when he was 61, about 12 years ago next month. My mom was left without her HS sweetheart and the guy she wanted to spend her retirement with. Sucks.

Hardest thing I have had to go through. The pain never really goes away, its always there waiting to come back up. After a month or so, it wont be so crippling, but just remember, like some other posters have said, you got to wake up each day and put on your big boy pants for the people you have in YOUR life. There will be time for grieving, but at some point you have to get back up and move on. Its what our loved ones would want. Dont let it drag you down, but also, grieving is important, so you need to do it, but will need to move on and up at some point in time.

 

[litespeedhuskerfan]

Sorry to hear about the loss of your dad/friend

I moved within a mile of my dad/best friend about a year ago....he's 80 something now and we've been best friends forever. I can only imagine how you feel because I know I will be a wreck when my dad passes.

Good luck c3.

 

[TripleOption67]

Very sorry to hear this about your father. But just know that although he's gone physically, he'll always be there in your heart and mind

Lost my dad a few years ago and still think about him almost daily. There's always something or someone that triggers a moment we had together. It'll be the same for you. You'll see or hear something and boom, it's as if you're dad's still there watching over you.

The pain will eventually subside, but the memories will always linger and never go away.

 

[huskeralk]

Dad passed unexpectedly. 69 years old. Healthy guy who worked out. My parents and my wife’s parents are always at my house with the kids. One day dad came out of our den (where the kids play video games) holding his chest. My mother is a RN and took to his side and I called 911. Wasn’t a heart attack. Still went to ER. He had a dissected aorta and was rushed into emergency surgery. He made it through surgery but never got off breathing machine and his aorta dissected above where they fixed it.

I was the last person to talk with him. He was my best friend.

I took it pretty hard. I lost weight I didn’t need to. I’m 6’ tall and went down to 165lb. I’m usually 175lb. Lost my appetite. Fell into a depression that I’m finally coming out of. I also got sick, either gave myself gastritis or an ulcer, had to take PPIs which are helping but I don’t want to be on any pill.

Funny thing is, it’s been almost a month since he passed and it doesn’t feel real.

I’m doing much better now but that pain of grief and sorrow is very real. Nearly broke me. I’ve never lost someone close. However, my awesome wife and three boys have helped dig me out of the dark place I went to. Each day is getting much better and my overall health has returned.

I guess it’s also nice to hear others stories. It helps to hear you’re not alone when it comes to being nearly crushed from a close one’s death.

My poor dad. Gone too soon. My poor mom misses him so much.

It’s nice to write this down.

Losing someone you care about is very difficult

I wish I had some advice that I could give you as we're attempting to navigate the same heartache. On December 21 our two boys (16 & 21) were in a car accident. Our 21 year old son didn't survive. He was a Junior at KU studying Aerospace Engineering. Literally had his entire life ahead of him and we were so excited watching everything unfold. And then it was gone.

Really the only thing getting us out of bed every morning is to set an example for our son to keep going and help him through all of this. We get a lot of canned "memes" or whatever you want to call them over social media from friends. It's nice that people are making an attempt but most times they only make me feel worse.

We have really clung on to his friends. It has been a huge help just hearing little stories and bits and pieces about our son's life that we didn't know. They haven't held back even telling stories that partially incriminate themselves. It was a great relief knowing that he was out there living his life to the fullest even though we thought he spent 95% of his time at the gym and in the classroom.

Another bit of advice would be to take up something that your Dad loved or maybe keep doing something that you loved doing together. The gym was probably our son's #1 priority. Absolutely nothing else could happen in his day until he went to the gym. In the last year he finally cracked away at his old man and got me to start going. He was so ****ing proud of me as he watched the changes happen and that was probably one of the proudest moments of my life. It just blows me away to think how a 46 year old man could look up to someone that he spent 21 years raising.

Anyway, at the end of the day all I can tell you is that it absolutely ****ing sucks and it isn't fair but all you can do is keep getting back up. ❤️

 

[spartanhusker]

Wow...that ripped my heart....blessings to you...there IS no canned meme comfort, as you know...having friends stand by you is critical....

 

[EmormousDouchebag]

I lost my Mama when I was 15. Yeah, that was a pleasant experience. Better go wake Pat up out of a dead sleep so he can be up here to watch his Mom die. I really want to believe something, but whatever the rules of death are preclude any comforting of a child whose world had just been destroyed I guess. That really set the tone for me and death.
Since then, I've lost my Grandmother and companions of 14 and 18 years(as well as obvious other family members as we grow old) that have absolutely ripped what was left of my heart out. I've tried to hang on to the good through the constant flashbacks of the worst shit from each of those deaths. I certainly would never trade the absolute pure love, the memories, the wisdom I gained, the lessons I was taught from them. The sorrow stems from the suffering really good people seem to have to endure, and I am not worthy to live while they suffer and die. Its not right. The only thing that keeps me here is a constant reminder that, belief or not, if there is something after suicide is a big no no. Or maybe I'm just a scared pussy.
The last few weeks have been another rough time, and I will admit to self harm, even at my age. But as I've said, its day by day I guess until something breaks, and its my turn. Pity pot mode /OFF.
Again, God bless you, your families and those you've lost. Take care of each other.

 

[spartanhusker]

Blessings to you….. no way of knowing the depths of your pain…. Hope for you some level of comfort

 

[huskerfan66]

I lost my Mama when I was 15. Yeah, that was a pleasant experience. Better go wake Pat up out of a dead sleep so he can be up here to watch his Mom die. I really want to believe something, but whatever the rules of death are preclude any comforting of a child whose world had just been destroyed I guess. That really set the tone for me and death.
Since then, I've lost my Grandmother and companions of 14 and 18 years(as well as obvious other family members as we grow old) that have absolutely ripped what was left of my heart out. I've tried to hang on to the good through the constant flashbacks of the worst shit from each of those deaths. I certainly would never trade the absolute pure love, the memories, the wisdom I gained, the lessons I was taught from them. The sorrow stems from the suffering really good people seem to have to endure, and I am not worthy to live while they suffer and die. Its not right. The only thing that keeps me here is a constant reminder that, belief or not, if there is something after suicide is a big no no. Or maybe I'm just a scared pussy.
The last few weeks have been another rough time, and I will admit to self harm, even at my age. But as I've said, its day by day I guess until something breaks, and its my turn. Pity pot mode /OFF.
Again, God bless you, your families and those you've lost. Take care of each other.

Hang in there 🙏

 

[Jeremara]

Lost my dad 20 years ago. I never cried as I felt the need to be “strong”.

I’ve since tried several times to go talk to him at his grave. I can’t get two words out without starting to sob.

 

[BradWesley]

Very sorry for your loss, @c3o .I just saw this. God Bless your family.

 

[Lincoln100]

I lost my Mama when I was 15. Yeah, that was a pleasant experience. Better go wake Pat up out of a dead sleep so he can be up here to watch his Mom die. I really want to believe something, but whatever the rules of death are preclude any comforting of a child whose world had just been destroyed I guess. That really set the tone for me and death.
Since then, I've lost my Grandmother and companions of 14 and 18 years(as well as obvious other family members as we grow old) that have absolutely ripped what was left of my heart out. I've tried to hang on to the good through the constant flashbacks of the worst shit from each of those deaths. I certainly would never trade the absolute pure love, the memories, the wisdom I gained, the lessons I was taught from them. The sorrow stems from the suffering really good people seem to have to endure, and I am not worthy to live while they suffer and die. Its not right. The only thing that keeps me here is a constant reminder that, belief or not, if there is something after suicide is a big no no. Or maybe I'm just a scared pussy.
The last few weeks have been another rough time, and I will admit to self harm, even at my age. But as I've said, its day by day I guess until something breaks, and its my turn. Pity pot mode /OFF.
Again, God bless you, your families and those you've lost. Take care of each other.

Don't go anywhere, I don't hate your posts like i do 98% of the others on here.

 

[spartanhusker]

Don't go anywhere, I don't hate your posts like i do 98% of the others on here.

Great advice…. Hanging in is so critical

 

[tarheelhusker]

Sorry c3o. Your pa is among friends.

 

[EmormousDouchebag]

Thanks, all for all the kind words, advice and prayers. Very nice of all of you to share. We are all very blessed

Hey c3o, I hope youre doing okay. I obv dont know you or how your head works. For me, I find the flashbacks to be the worst part of dealing with loss. You know, those little scenes that play back in your head, good or bad. When they playback, its a startle and it interrupts whatever I might be doing. Could be work or in the middle of a store or whatever. I guess thinking it just seems like such a waste to lose people who gave you everything and have so much yet to give to either have it cut short in an instant or to suffer before they die is self pity. IDK. I cry because of selfish reasons sure, but I also cry because I wish I could trade places with anyone of them I've lost because without them, the world is genuinely a worse place.

All the standard advice people give in this situation applies, but it must be actively applied. I hope if you need it, youre doing it. Take care of yourself.