Not sure if serious...but I'll respond as though it is.
Yes, that's a very common thing to have happen. Couples tend to fall into predictable patterns and those can get boring. My wife is more attractive to me than ever, but I still get weary of how routine all the lead-in becomes. The lack of spontaneity in particular becomes a grind. Especially if you have kids it becomes easy to get into a schedule of doing it the same way on the same day.
If you're a consumer of porn be very careful. There is a lot of data that shows it can get you into an accelerating, vicious cycle. And it comes at the expense of your partner, she's always the same person who does it the same way, meanwhile google can find you anything your heart desires as well as a bunch of stuff you didn't even know existed.
If she's in a contest against every other girl on pornhub, that's a contest she can never win.
There's actually a serious problem in the world right now of all these dudes who grew up on internet porn and they have these VERY skewed and unhealthy ideas about what sex is actually supposed to be like. They don't know how to listen, communicate, try new things, they just know how to mimic what they've seen in videos. Spoiler alert: a lot of "real" women do not want the thing from the video done to them. Certainly not without a conversation first.
And these dudes also don't have the attention span for a normal, in-person, sexual encounter. Their brain is so trained to search through videos and skip to the best parts that the worst addicts actually can't get aroused at a normal pace by normal stuff any more. They need to speed cycle through increasingly-edgy stuff to feel excited.
So if that's going on, you need to dial it back. Stop wanking it to every chick on the internet for a few days and suddenly you'll be shocked at how much your interest in your own wife is renewed.
I am actually guilty of needing to have a conversation with my wife as well. She doesn't initiate in ways that make me feel desirable, she only knows how to be pursued. So her version of initiating is to make a comment about how we should have sex or to wear something a little more provocative, but it's always me who has to "go and get" her. I have to be the one who makes the actual first move.
First world problems, waaaaaa my hot wife encourages me to jump her instead of the other way around. But after a while it grates on my nerves. I shouldn't have to go somewhere and catch other women checking me out to feel like I still got it. I want to be validated at home. But instead of manning up and asking her for that, I have avoided the conversation like a big baby so nothing has changed so far.
That's a need that I have, I need to feel like I'm attractive to be able to really get in there and perform. Dunno if that's right or wrong, that's just how I am, I don't want to always be the one doing the chasing. Once in a while as a dude you want to feel like your lady wants to get
You need to start by understanding what works for you. What can you ask her for that you DO think is sexy and that will help you both feel like you're desirable? And it might be a conversation that you have with the help of a couples counselor. Because no offense, I don't get the impression that you're equipped right now with the skills to have that talk without you both getting your feelings hurt.
The counseling will help you both express yourselves in a way that gets to the good rather than just starting a fight. I promise you that if you do nothing and just sit in silence and obsess about it, you're going to find that it gets worse.
