OT: Does this happen at your house?

[WHCSC]

I never understood the whole allowance thing. Shelter and food are my kids allowance.

IBTGOML

 

[big red22]

How old is the kid? Seriously, give him the chore of cleaning up after the dogs. Don't hint around. Be direct. Kid isn't going to clean it up unless you tell him to. Would you have done so as a child unless mom or dad said do it? Most would not. Give him an allowance for doing so - note, he is earning the allowance not just being given it. If he doesn't do it, no allowance. And be firm on requiring him to do the chore. So what if he gets mad. Your job is to prepare him for the realities of the real world, and having assigned chores/responsibilities commensurate with his age (and cleaning up after a dog is pretty much commensurate with the age of any child older than about 6, IMO) is one of the most effective and appropriate ways I can think of to help a child learn about responsibility and the value of working for to achieve what you want. Trust me. If you have a good relationship with the kid, requiring him to do a chore is not going to change that. In fact, you will earn his respect, even as he is crabbing. That respect will go a long ways when teenage years roll around and he enters the "your so stupid" phase they all go through. One of the best ideas I have seen is to provide a child the chance to earn enough allowance that he/she can each week put 1/3rd in a giving basket, 1/3rd in a savings basket (for college) and 1/3rd in a spending basket. Needs to be enough to be meaningful - which of course depends on age. Teach him/her to give, save and spend. Teach him/her the value of accumulating money in his/her spending basket until there is enough to buy something he/she wants. Heck, if he/she is doing a good job, working toward buying something, throw in the last 10 - 20% or so depending on what it is and surprise him/her with the chance to get it a little early. You will see excitement when you surprise him/her to make your day. When child is old enough to have his/her own job, stick with the 1/3, 1/3, 1/3 as long as you can convince the kid to do so.

Anyway, just my suggestion from a guy that's just now on the back side of sending my last off to college.

Thanks for the advice!

Our son is 9 and he does have an allowance and chore chart. He is an only child and we struggle sometimes at following through, because it is easy for him to make us feel bad. He is a manipulator and he gets it from his mother.

My wife and I had a long talk about this last night and I even showed her this thread. The end result seemed to be very positive with some yelling and frustration involved, but we agreed on the end result. We will see how it goes.

 

[big red22]

I never understood the whole allowance thing. Shelter and food are my kids allowance.

IBTGOML

It teaches them the value of a dollar if you do it right

 

[TheBeav815]

Thanks for the advice!

Our son is 9 and he does have an allowance and chore chart. He is an only child and we struggle sometimes at following through, because it is easy for him to make us feel bad. He is a manipulator and he gets it from his mother.

My wife and I had a long talk about this last night and I even showed her this thread. The end result seemed to be very positive with some yelling and frustration involved, but we agreed on the end result. We will see how it goes.

If they know they can get you with guilt, they will. They don't really know what they're doing, they just know it works. I struggled very badly for a stretch when my oldest was about 4. I'm no longer with her mom, (since married to my soulmate and had another little girl) and I had a lot of guilt over the separation and how it would impact my daughter.

Long story short we were on vacation and she was giving me a bunch of "I wanna go home, I like Mama's house better," etc. Wouldn't surprise me if her mom encouraged that sort of favoritism, it was definitely her style. It was my first vacation with her and her mom built up a ton of drama about how hard it was gonna be and how much she'd miss her and ohmygod I'll call you every day, blah blah blah. Anyhow I was letting her get away with badmouthing me and badmouthing the trip. I was wallowing in my own guilt and it was making us both miserable because I wouldn't tell her to act right.

I finally realized she was 4 and I was a grown man and it was on me to set the proper tone, not the pre-schooler. So I had enough and told her she's allowed to feel however she feels, but she does not speak to me like that because I'm her dad, I love her, and she was on a nice vacation and getting to do nice things and she needs to show some gratitude.

She fought it, tried to plug her ears and ignore me. I put her hands at her sides and very loudly repeated the message. It took less than a day for that stuff to stop, and she's never done it since. She can miss who she misses and like what she likes, but she learned that you don't tell people they're second best, that's rude.

Kids and dogs are very alike. They don't hand you respect, you have to earn it by following through when you say it's time for something to happen. If you say sit and the dog doesn't sit and you do nothing, the dog has learned he doesn't have to listen to you. Same with the kid when you say do a chore and they don't do the chore. Kids will procrastinate, but you gotta be ready for that and hold them to it.

They'll both challenge you and when they do, you'd better win. A house run by the children and the dogs is not a happy home. It's full of poop, broken stuff, and frustration.

 

[big red22]

If they know they can get you with guilt, they will. They don't really know what they're doing, they just know it works. I struggled very badly for a stretch when my oldest was about 4. I'm no longer with her mom, (since married to my soulmate and had another little girl) and I had a lot of guilt over the separation and how it would impact my daughter.

Long story short we were on vacation and she was giving me a bunch of "I wanna go home, I like Mama's house better," etc. Wouldn't surprise me if her mom encouraged that sort of favoritism, it was definitely her style. It was my first vacation with her and her mom built up a ton of drama about how hard it was gonna be and how much she'd miss her and ohmygod I'll call you every day, blah blah blah. Anyhow I was letting her get away with badmouthing me and badmouthing the trip. I was wallowing in my own guilt and it was making us both miserable because I wouldn't tell her to act right.

I finally realized she was 4 and I was a grown man and it was on me to set the proper tone, not the pre-schooler. So I had enough and told her she's allowed to feel however she feels, but she does not speak to me like that because I'm her dad, I love her, and she was on a nice vacation and getting to do nice things and she needs to show some gratitude.

She fought it, tried to plug her ears and ignore me. I put her hands at her sides and very loudly repeated the message. It took less than a day for that stuff to stop, and she's never done it since. She can miss who she misses and like what she likes, but she learned that you don't tell people they're second best, that's rude.

Kids and dogs are very alike. They don't hand you respect, you have to earn it by following through when you say it's time for something to happen. If you say sit and the dog doesn't sit and you do nothing, the dog has learned he doesn't have to listen to you. Same with the kid when you say do a chore and they don't do the chore. Kids will procrastinate, but you gotta be ready for that and hold them to it.

They'll both challenge you and when they do, you'd better win. A house run by the children and the dogs is not a happy home. It's full of poop, broken stuff, and frustration.

We are definitely not here!

He has his moments, but he definitely does not run the house. I make a ton of mistakes at giving in, but by all account from other parents he is respectful to them. That means I must be doing something right.

Our dogs very rarely go to the bathroom in the house, but when they did I WAS usually the one to do it.

The only dog that ruined our house (Previous house) what the Yellow Lab, and that was 5 years ago. Our current dogs have been great for the most part. Meaning a small accident here and there, but it only happens 3-4 times a month

 

[schuele]

Another benefit of everyone being responsible for cleanup duty is that they're also more likely to be responsive when the dog needs to go out. Dogs can't walk up to you and scream "I need to pee!" but they have ways of telling you if you're paying attention. And people who have to clean up after them usually pay much closer attention.

 

[WHCSC]

It teaches them the value of a dollar if you do it right

I teach them he value of a dollar by not buying them whatever the heck they want.

 

[big red22]

I teach them he value of a dollar by not buying them whatever the heck they want.

To each their own... More power to you if that is what works for you. Everyone has there own methods, and if that is what works for you then keep doing it.

For the record, I don't just go out and buy my son whatever he asks for, the majority of items he has came out of his birthday money, birthday gifts and Christmas. The exception of items he has that I bought for him that was just for nothing is a basketball, football, baseball bat, bag, helmet and gloves and a used bike because his old one was too small for him. Purchasing items is not what makes kids act "Spoiled". The spoiled routine comes from going to places like Defy Grafity, golf courses, Bowling, Basketball courts, riding bikes together, kids warrior gym, allowing friends to come over, museums, the zoo ect, ect, ect... Then after taking them to one of these places getting treated like you never do anything for them. That is what I hate! In my opinion there is a big difference in taking them places and buying them crap.

If I am wrong for paying for my son to attend this stuff, then I guess I don't want to do it the right way. I am not one to just sit around the house all day everyday

 

[Wasker77]

I want to apologize up front for how long this rant is!

I am posting this because I am trying to see if I am over-reacting and need to calm down.

First the back story

When I first met my wife before we got married she knew I loved dogs, and that I really loved Jack Russell Terriers. So our second Christmas together she bought me a Jack Russell Terrier puppy. I absolutely loved this dog, and then we had our son. Everything was fine for about a year and then our son started to walk. Keep in mind that we had our dog for about 8 years at this point.

So now my son would start to grab our dogs tail, and our dog would snap towards our son. She never bit him once, but basically was saying, "Leave me alone kid!!!" My wife demanded that we get rid of our dog for the safety of our child. So I did, I gave our dog to my sister who lives on the West Coast. It turned out okay, my sister love her, and she has had a good life. She is still alive and is now 16 years old.

This brings up the beginning of my frustration!

When our son was 4, my wife got the "I want a Dog" fever. I was like absolutely not! I had to get rid of the dog I absolutely loved, because of a extreme over-reaction to our dog snapping toward our son. After a month of showing me Dog photos I gave in, and we bought a dog from the humane society. It was a Yellow Lab that was 4 years old and just had babies.

It was a fine dog, and stay by our side. She played fetch, she snuggled up to you on the couch. She even knew a couple tricks. Of course I loved the dog, because I love dogs in general. This dog was great for the first 3 weeks we had her, and then something snapped inside of her when we brought her on a trip to visit my brother in Minnesota. She ate herself out of her crate that we brought with us, and pooped in my brothers house several times.

We chalked that up to being afraid of a new place. The problem is it never stopped, she got worse and worse. We would take her for a walk, and she would do her business. Then we would leave, and every time we came back she would have pee'd and pooped in the basement. We tested how bad it was by taking her for a walk, and then driving around the block to come back to more pee and poop in the basement. All of which I cleaned up! <- A key part of all this

So we then tried crating her, and she ate herself out of this big plastic covered crate, and the metal went through her bottom jaw. We took her to the vet to get the wound cleaned up and stitched. We then realize that we may not be able to have this dog with our life styles, because we both work, and something bad happened every time we leave.

Here are some examples

1. Ate and tore up 3 sets of Blinds
2. Shredded our Down Comforter
3. Tore up our back pillows on the couch
4. Busted a hole in a door
5. Tore up carpet is the hallway, our bedroom and our computer room
6. Knocked a painting off of the wall and ate most of it

We said... It time to find this dog a family that has someone home ALL THE TIME! Luckily we did, and once again gave our dog away.

My son is now 9 years old, and about a year ago we started fostering dogs because I love dogs and when you foster there is help if there isn't a right fit. Then after our 3rd foster dog, we found one that we just loved! This dog had been on the streets for almost a year, and was shut down. Something just clicked and we adopted him. So 3 months pass and we have had no problems with this dog other then the fact that my wife and my son NEVER pick up the poop in the back yard or either of his two accidents in the house.

I am a little frustrated by this, because although I love this dog. One of the stipulations was that that have to do their fair share of doggy dooties. They did for the first week, and then it was like pulling teeth to get them to do it.

Now comes the kicker

My son was persistent on begging my sister for her Chihuahua, and I thought no way does my sister ever say he can have this dog. She is the same sister that took my original Jack Russell. She was moving and her new home was not going to allow more than one dog, so she asked me over and over again if it was alright to give this dog to my son.

I said no at least 30 times, but it didn't seem to matter. I was worried about the dog that we have would become territorial with his back ground! Didn't matter, my sister thought I was a stubborn jerk... my wife wanted this dog too... and my son cried and said that I am the meanest dad in the world. I can either be enemy #1 to my wife, sister and son, or try and make this work.

I have one stipulation AGAIN you need to take over the doggie dooties, I am no longer doing them. They accepted that, and so my sister brought us this Chihuahua and it got along real well with our foster, I was absolutely shocked!

Guess what 6 months has passed, and guess who is doing all the doggy dooties again... That's right me! Obviously I am not going to give these dogs away, but I am beyond frustrated that my wife and son will not help with this part of dog ownership. I am pretty sure I am the biggest sucker I know of right now.

Now for the gross part, but I just wanted to see what would happen. Our chihuahua tinkled on the bathroom floor on Saturday, and I pointed it out that the dog did that. I woke up on Monday morning to get ready for work and sure enough that pee spot was still just resonating on the bathroom floor. So I am beyond pissed off, and I showed it in the morning. My wife asked me what was I was so "Grumpy" about, and I strait up told her, "The pee spot in the bathroom, that I have left alone purposely to see if it would get cleaned up". It is now Tuesday morning and it is still there, and I blew up again this morning and my wife calls me an angry person.

So 3 things

1. Am I over-reacting?
2. Should I clean up this pee that is bothering me so much, and just let the anger resonate more?
3. If you have any ideas or tips to help me out here to better this situation it would be greatly appreciated!

It would be great if some females would respond to this too

This is so simple for me. You should never be allowed to have a dog. Your wife and son have no real interest in doing what it takes to own a dog. You have disposed of two dogs. Dogs are not perfect. You can't just love them part-time.
I love my dogs, a male Llewellin Setter, who has a few issues, but still a great dog with lots of character and a female Black Lab, who does everything you ask of her. My wife and I first think of the dogs before we do anything.

I just read what JohnRossEwing wrote about a tired dog being a happy dog. I think too many people just ignore their dogs too much and then are surprised when they destroy something. We have a small irrigation canal behind our house that is full of water from April until October. The dogs swim in the canal almost every day. The Lab retrieves a ball whenever I am outside. We had lots of snow this past winter and the dogs were out "helping" me when I was clearing our driveway along with three others belonging to older neighbors. We went on walks in the snow almost everyday. We hunt in the fall. I walk with my older neighbor everynight after dinner and the setter is always with us and sometimes the Lab (She's 10 and if I think she has had enough exercise she stays home with my wife) They would drive me crazy if I didn't exercise them.

 

[WHCSC]

To each their own... More power to you if that is what works for you. Everyone has there own methods, and if that is what works for you then keep doing it.

For the record, I don't just go out and buy my son whatever he asks for, the majority of items he has came out of his birthday money, birthday gifts and Christmas. The exception of items he has that I bought for him that was just for nothing is a basketball, football, baseball bat, bag, helmet and gloves and a used bike because his old one was too small for him. Purchasing items is not what makes kids act "Spoiled". The spoiled routine comes from going to places like Defy Grafity, golf courses, Bowling, Basketball courts, riding bikes together, kids warrior gym, allowing friends to come over, museums, the zoo ect, ect, ect... Then after taking them to one of these places getting treated like you never do anything for them. That is what I hate! In my opinion there is a big difference in taking them places and buying them crap.

If I am wrong for paying for my son to attend this stuff, then I guess I don't want to do it the right way. I am not one to just sit around the house all day everyday

Wasn't judging anyone else. Just a comment that I never understood it.

 

[bmb81664]

I just wanted to chime in and say the dog should not be given up because members of the family aren't doing their fair share. My dog occasionally has accidents during thunderstorms. Not her fault that she is scared. We clean it up and still show her love. I would never give up my dog unless there was some kind of danger in keeping her.

 

[TheBeav815]

There is a pervasive myth about dogs that they either just are a "good dog" or they're not. Lots of them will walk all over you if you don't show leadership.

My dog is naturally kind of an asshat. He's been in fights, he doesn't listen unless you're really firm with him, he doesn't like strange men, etc. If I stood by and let him call the shots, he'd probably have gotten me sued and been put down for biting somebody.

I work with him a ton and have the proper tools to keep him under control. Because of that, he has a good life and a loving home. They can and will push the boundaries with different people. Mine won't pull at the leash with me, but my mother in law has no authority with him, I asked her repeatedly not to try to walk him when I wasn't home but she did anyhow he pulled her down and she had to be hospitalized for a concussion.

You must, must, must provide leadership.