I got banned from Wal-Mart in Eugene, OR. This is the letter I just received:
Dear Mr. Grateful Web,
Over the past few months you have caused quite a commotion in our store. We cannot tolerate this behavior and have been forced to ban you from the store. The complaints against you have been listed below and are documented by our video surveillance cameras, and several Police reports.
1. May 2nd: you took 46 boxes of condoms and randomly put them in other people's carts when they weren't looking.
2. May 13th: You set all the alarm clocks in housewares to go off at 5-minute intervals.
3. May 25th: You made a trail of ketchup on the floor leading to the women's restroom.
4. June 4th: You went to the service desk and tried to put a bag of ruffles sour cream and onion potato chips on layaway.
5. June 19th: You moved a "CAUTION WET FLOOR" sign to a carpeted area.
6. June 30th: When a clerk asked if they could help you, you began crying and screamed, "Why can't you people just leave me alone." EMT's were called.
7. July 3rd: You looked right into the security camera in the fishing section and used it as a mirror while scratching your butt.
8. July 17th: Darted around the store suspiciously while loudly humming the "Mission Impossible" theme.
9. July 28th: You hid in a clothing rack and when people browsed thru you yelled "PICK ME!! PICK ME!!"
10. August 6th: When an announcement came over the loud speaker, you assumed the fetal position and screamed "OH NO, IT'S THOSE VOICES AGAIN!!!!"
11. Sept 27th: You appropriated the intercom and quoted, "Bueller? Bueller? Bueller?
These Prankster Shenanigans will no longer be tolerated. We ask that you please take your "business" elsewhere.
- Walmart Management
Dear Mr. Grateful Web,
Over the past few months you have caused quite a commotion in our store. We cannot tolerate this behavior and have been forced to ban you from the store. The complaints against you have been listed below and are documented by our video surveillance cameras, and several Police reports.
1. May 2nd: you took 46 boxes of condoms and randomly put them in other people's carts when they weren't looking.
2. May 13th: You set all the alarm clocks in housewares to go off at 5-minute intervals.
3. May 25th: You made a trail of ketchup on the floor leading to the women's restroom.
4. June 4th: You went to the service desk and tried to put a bag of ruffles sour cream and onion potato chips on layaway.
5. June 19th: You moved a "CAUTION WET FLOOR" sign to a carpeted area.
6. June 30th: When a clerk asked if they could help you, you began crying and screamed, "Why can't you people just leave me alone." EMT's were called.
7. July 3rd: You looked right into the security camera in the fishing section and used it as a mirror while scratching your butt.
8. July 17th: Darted around the store suspiciously while loudly humming the "Mission Impossible" theme.
9. July 28th: You hid in a clothing rack and when people browsed thru you yelled "PICK ME!! PICK ME!!"
10. August 6th: When an announcement came over the loud speaker, you assumed the fetal position and screamed "OH NO, IT'S THOSE VOICES AGAIN!!!!"
11. Sept 27th: You appropriated the intercom and quoted, "Bueller? Bueller? Bueller?
These Prankster Shenanigans will no longer be tolerated. We ask that you please take your "business" elsewhere.
- Walmart Management
