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Discussion in 'Husker Board' started by rowdy roddy piper, Jun 26, 2015.
Fathers Rights is an oxymoron
Are you in Omaha?
If you're in Omaha (your friend), I hear Higgins Law commercial all the time on the radio. I have no need for it (luckily) but he specalizes in this very thing it sounds like.
Hear Cordell and Cordell ads on radio all the time too.... Ads always say they specialize in helping dad's.
Look, I went through my divorce in Omaha, I had an awesome lawyer. I even got custody of my two children... So I can’t sit here and say that Father's rights is an oxymoron. However Fathers have a bit of an uphill battle, and it is all about selecting the correct lawyer that fits your situation. my personal advice is don’t shoot for a straight up father's rights lawyer, that shows that you’re not fighting for custody of the kid(s) but just fighting for how much time they spend with you and how much you have to pay in child support or alimony... I'd also suggest going out and finding yourself a female lawyer to represent "your friend" it’s just an added perspective of a woman fighting for the male to keep his kids. If you want who my lawyer was I’d be more than happy to let you know. But again Id shine away from any of the advertised Father's rights lawyers; unless you just want Father's rights, if you want your kids, then fight for your kids!
Thanks to everyone who responded. Yes, in omaha. In the past ive said things and pushed buttons just for laughs. In real life its really not who i am at all. I want to thank everyone again for taking these OT threads serious. A person really dosent know how stuff like this feels until it happens to them.
This. A "father's rights" attny is probably not any different than a regular family law attny. What you want is somebody who has a good reputation with judges and makes you feel comfortable.
The priority is time with the kids and demonstrating why you are a good dad. Don't put all the focus on money and definitely don't try to run a smear campaign on mom. Make a bunch of calls and get a feel for experience. There are good websites out there with helpful questions you can ask lawyers and what to be thinking of.
Start keeping documents on the things you do to be a good dad, money you spend on the kids, etc. Never let it be her word against yours, have times dates and receipts to show you have been an involved father.
Don't worry, judges are thrilled to see a dad who wants to be with the kids after all the deadbeat losers they chase after all the time. Just be willing to spend on a lawyer up front. Don't get cheap and wish in two years you hadn't rolled over in court because you didn't want to put the legal bills on the credit card.
Been there. Sucks, but you get used to it.
Consider if you will "fathers rights" and "civil rights" on the same basis. It's the lack of rights that forms the basis of the term. In divorce men shoulder the greater responsibility and are subject to prejudice. While you might have had a more positive outcome then the vast majority of men it's still only an anecdotal example and until it's the norm "fathers rights" will remain elusive.
If you think "Father's rights" is an oxymoron then you do not know what an oxymoron is. An oxymoron is "a figure of speech in which apparently contradictory terms appear in conjunction" such as:
Cruel to be kind
Pain for pleasure
Wake up dead
and that concludes the grammar lesson for today...
James Adams, Omaha. He is great.
I'm in the this situation now. Words cannot discribe the emotions that soon will be faced. Shoot me a message if further detail is what you seek or are after.
Nebraska fan, I don't want to point fingers so I will start by agreeing to one part of your post, I will agree that the men are subject to a bit more prejudice during this whole process, however I still can not accept the term "Fathers Rights"... Why you may ask, well it is simple all parents are entitled to the same rights to the kids, unless said parent is a danger to the child or deemed that worthless by the courts. The term "fathers Rights" to me translates to "I want to make sure I'm not over paying for those kids and I don't wanna pay my ex a penny" when in reality if you go into court and fight for your kids, not just time with your kids, but for your kids and fight for who and what will be the best situation for your kids you need to worry about over paying or paying a cent to your ex as if you do things right you can end up with the kids... "Fathers rights" is a mind set that says men are not entitled to majority custody of their kids, but I say bull to that IF and only IF that man can provide the best living situation for the kid then the man should take majority custody.. But regardless because at the end of the day it took two people to create said kid and it takes those same two to raise that kid, and both NEED to be a part of that kids life regardless of the situation, and both parents need to sit and communicate and realize that the kid had nothing to do with what happened between them, so the kid does not need to suffer, and both parents need to decide together with level heads on who has the more stable income, the more stable life and who can provide the best life for that kid
Went through this a little over 10 years ago. When my kids were about 5 and 3. At times I thought I would die... But don't give up. Just focus on the fact that your kids need their dad... I eventually got custody of my kids. But even if you don't, just focus on loving your kids. If you're going through this now, you have my empathy.
You might have exposed your prejudice in the matter when you presume to equate fathers rights to potential child support and or alimony and if you were a judge you would find a way to punish the man if in your prejudice you decide to leave the children with the woman. Unfortunately the system is such that you have to prove the mother is bad and not who would provide the best environment for the child. I to have been down that road and it took years before the children were with me.
I have been of the opinion for many years that in a divorce the parents should shoulder the cost of a complete psychological evaluation by a board certified professional irrespective of who steps up to be the primary care giver and make their recommendation to the judge. The legal system is more impressed by who can throw the most dirt then the capabilities of the parents.
If you talk to many attorneys they will tell you custody is often decided in chambers with no transcript unless his or her attorney makes a demand.
Nebraska fan, I think you have some very valid points there, and I absolutly agree that there should be some sort of professional outside source, i.e the psychological evaluation. And like I said before I do agree that there is some prejudice in the courtroom towards the males. But again Id have to argue with where you state that I may have exposed my prejudice, I absolutly have no prejudice towards Fathers retaining custody of their children, as I am a father that went in and fought for my children further more I would not find a way of "punishing" the father. Where I equate "fathers rights" to child support and alimony is just that, when a lot of father refer to "father's rights" they do refer back to childsupport and or alimony, and I think you may have prooved my point with it by choosing to use the word "punish", as we all know it did take two to make the child and childsupport should be no punishment no mater who is paying the child support (and for the record, I dont receive childsupport from my ex. I dont care about child support, I know I can provide for the child and thats all I want is to make sure the children are in the right situation). As we all know both parents have equal rights to the children, heck my wife now, I watched her go into mediation with her ex so they could re do their custody agreement and regardless of how worthless he is ( and he is worthless, this is a guy that agrued to not have to pay any child support, and when we gave him that just so we could get the kids, he asked the mediation people "do I have to buy them school clothes since they will be with her over the school year?" yes his exact words, he also argued to claim them on taxes even though he didnt even want them for 50% of the time, his whole issue with the mediation was about money and not the kids) he still got a lot of say and time with the kids. I think, and again its my opinion, but I do think a lot of it stims to how hard you are willing to fight for your kids, belieave it or not judges do like to see a male fight for their kids, after all they spend a lot of time trying to chase down the dead beats, and you know its true. But again I think at the end of the day the courts are indeed bias to the mothers, and that is not fair, it should be a non bias decision of who and what is best for the kids
The myth that Dad needs to stay and quietly suffer through all the punishment of a bad relationship because the judge will throw the book at him is still alive.
Here's what you should ACTUALLY expect:
Your attorney and her attorney will meet with you separately. You'll go over what your goals are.
You'll all meet together at one of the attorney's offices. You'll discuss what's realistic, what's best for your kid(s), and what your goals are in light of that.
They will urge you to come to an amicable agreement on your own. If you can't, you'll likely go into mediation.
If you get through mediation and you STILL can't agree, you can expect the judge to issue an order.
Likely your support payments will be about 20% of your (pre-tax) income. Track EVERYTHING you spend on the kids (with proof) as you may get a credit for that.
On visitation, they'll give you as much time as you can agree to, and it is very likely to be equitable.
KEEP THE FINISH LINE IN SIGHT. It will be difficult. Remember, your goal is to someday live a live that says to your kids, "This is what it looks like to be loved and happy."
This, perfectly stated Beav you are absolutly right on all points
Johnson & Mock, Matthew Munderloh in particular, did a great job for me. I was awarded custody of my son, but as always, results may vary. Best of luck.
Brent Kuhn in Omaha, OUTSTANDING, he did a great job for me and 3 people I have referred.