My thoughts go out to his friends and family, who probably should have taken him aside long ago and said "Ian, we love you very much, but quit being such a total dutch bag and running around killing all these beautiful animals so you can put them in your freakin' trophy cases you dumb ship in the harbor.
But in your honor, Ian, we your loving family have decided to take your entire life savings of killing trophy animals and we're paying for all the hospital bills for the elephant you shot and the rest will go to pay for self defense classes for all the animals of Africa so they'll be prepared to kill all the other dumb pieces of feces like you who go around killing animals who are just living their lives and minding their own business.
We love you and will miss you Ian, but your selfish pea brain wasn't doing much good here on Earth. Something obviously went seriously wrong with you at some point and we as your family are sorry we didn't get you the help you needed. So the family is finding its way through your sudden loss knowing that it's for the best, along with a growing consensus from the rest of the human race, that you are not here anymore.
With love,
Your family
P.S. The elephant that killed you is doing well after being shot in the skirmish and will make a full recovery! In a touching twist the elephant has requested to meet us and attend your funeral. He's still having a little trouble getting around so a bunch of us will have to help him into position so he can piss on your grave.
This post was edited on 4/17 12:08 AM by themillerflip
Payback is a mother
But in your honor, Ian, we your loving family have decided to take your entire life savings of killing trophy animals and we're paying for all the hospital bills for the elephant you shot and the rest will go to pay for self defense classes for all the animals of Africa so they'll be prepared to kill all the other dumb pieces of feces like you who go around killing animals who are just living their lives and minding their own business.
We love you and will miss you Ian, but your selfish pea brain wasn't doing much good here on Earth. Something obviously went seriously wrong with you at some point and we as your family are sorry we didn't get you the help you needed. So the family is finding its way through your sudden loss knowing that it's for the best, along with a growing consensus from the rest of the human race, that you are not here anymore.
With love,
Your family
P.S. The elephant that killed you is doing well after being shot in the skirmish and will make a full recovery! In a touching twist the elephant has requested to meet us and attend your funeral. He's still having a little trouble getting around so a bunch of us will have to help him into position so he can piss on your grave.
This post was edited on 4/17 12:08 AM by themillerflip
Payback is a mother
