Dear New Coach,

[bob5150]

. . . And when I say dear, I mean it only as a standard letter greeting. My relationship with you as a Husker fan is conditional upon your winning 10+ games consistently. Here is my list of demands:

1. I reserve the right to fire you every week. In game if need be. Should you call a stupid play that ends up winning a game, consider yourself retained.

2. Please bring with you or make plans to acquire a D-1 offensive line. This does not presently exist here.

3. Defensive line, same shit.

4. Do not test for steroids consistently.

5. Please do not tolerate any of these weak ass DUI's. These kids can get an Uber in 2021. Should anyone get into trouble, keep the evidence in your desk as TO did. In case the authorities have any questions and such.

6. Please keep Joseph and Busch on in some role so that the few D1 players we have will feel like they have a familiar face on staff.

7. Do not bone Co-Eds. It's prolly never happened here to the scale reported on this board. However, after your first loss, these conversations seem to sprout.

8. Do not be photographed in a bar at any point. After your second loss, you will also be considered a drunk who smokes weed in a studio apartment above said bar.

9. Get us a room full of quarterbacks and have a plan to develop all of them into Division One quarterbacks.

10. Any scholarship players who suck should be put on medical hardship with anything from a papercut on up. I realize this is possibly 75% of the current squad, but you were brought here for some reasons.

11. Have the foresight to recruit at least one guy named LeKevin. It's been a while since we had a player named LeKevin on the team. When we did, we were still fairly good.

12. Beat Iowa.

Thanks,

Bob

 

[Wyldcard]

. . . And when I say dear, I mean it only as a standard letter greeting. My relationship with you as a Husker fan is conditional upon your winning 10+ games consistently. Here is my list of demands:

1. I reserve the right to fire you every week. In game if need be. Should you call a stupid play that ends up winning a game, consider yourself retained.

2. Please bring with you or make plans to acquire a D-1 offensive line. This does not presently exist here.

3. Defensive line, same shit.

4. Do not test for steroids consistently.

5. Please do not tolerate any of these weak ass DUI's. These kids can get an Uber in 2021. Should anyone get into trouble, keep the evidence in your desk as TO did. In case the authorities have any questions and such.

6. Please keep Joseph and Busch on in some role so that the few D1 players we have will feel like they have a familiar face on staff.

7. Do not bone Co-Eds. It's prolly never happened here to the scale reported on this board. However, after your first loss, these conversations seem to sprout.

8. Do not be photographed in a bar at any point. After your second loss, you will also be considered a drunk who smokes weed in a studio apartment above said bar.

9. Get us a room full of quarterbacks and have a plan to develop all of them into Division One quarterbacks.

10. Any scholarship players who suck should be put on medical hardship with anything from a papercut on up. I realize this is possibly 75% of the current squad, but you were brought here for some reasons.

11. Beat Iowa.

Thanks,

Bob

Words from the self entitled! Good thing the university will never listen to what you have to say.

 

[bob5150]

Words from the self entitled! Good thing the university will never listen to what you have to say.

How many fans can identify with this line of thinking for themselves or other fans on this board? My guess: many. Hence the satire.

 

[WHCSC]

Dear new coach, don't suck

 

[TruHusker]

You forgot the most important ones.

1. Don't call any running play that makes less than 5 yards.

2. Don't call any passing play that makes less than 10 yards or better yet, never call a passing play.

3. If you really have to throw the ball, don't throw a swing pass.

4. If you run triple option on every play like the old days, you will be enshrined in Husker lore.

5. If you are having a hard time finding play callers, S&C people, OCs and DCs, there are plenty on message boards. Some initial training may be required but you will at least have all the answers to the problems we have had in this program over the last 20 years.

 

[HBK4life]

Improve, recruit and win. You'll be fine.

 

[10Trvln]

Dear new coach, don't suck

Nuff said!

 

[SuperBigFan]

Never go out in public but also make sure to be visible.

Yell but don't yell.

Be social and drink but never drink and work on football 24/7

Recruit dudes but also make sure they are from the smallest towns in the state

Accept the fact that we (the fans) know more than you and embrace our "constructive criticism" with a positive attitude.

Understand that the local media will ask you softball questions at the start and then later a total weirdo will start writing articles about your knee bouncing up and down while you sit at a press conference.

Win a lot of games but then understand that by winning a lot of games we will demand you win more.

 

[RedCap]

. . . And when I say dear, I mean it only as a standard letter greeting. My relationship with you as a Husker fan is conditional upon your winning 10+ games consistently. Here is my list of demands:

1. I reserve the right to fire you every week. In game if need be. Should you call a stupid play that ends up winning a game, consider yourself retained.

2. Please bring with you or make plans to acquire a D-1 offensive line. This does not presently exist here.

3. Defensive line, same shit.

4. Do not test for steroids consistently.

5. Please do not tolerate any of these weak ass DUI's. These kids can get an Uber in 2021. Should anyone get into trouble, keep the evidence in your desk as TO did. In case the authorities have any questions and such.

6. Please keep Joseph and Busch on in some role so that the few D1 players we have will feel like they have a familiar face on staff.

7. Do not bone Co-Eds. It's prolly never happened here to the scale reported on this board. However, after your first loss, these conversations seem to sprout.

8. Do not be photographed in a bar at any point. After your second loss, you will also be considered a drunk who smokes weed in a studio apartment above said bar.

9. Get us a room full of quarterbacks and have a plan to develop all of them into Division One quarterbacks.

10. Any scholarship players who suck should be put on medical hardship with anything from a papercut on up. I realize this is possibly 75% of the current squad, but you were brought here for some reasons.

11. Have the foresight to recruit at least one guy named LeKevin. It's been a while since we had a player named LeKevin on the team. When we did, we were still fairly good.

12. Beat Iowa.

Thanks,

Bob

My message is simply this: win a lot of games (with dignity). In other words restore Nebaska football to where it belongs. As long as you play by the rules, I really don't care how you accomplish that IF you get the job done.

 

[Charlie Marlow]

Fire him!

 

[Baxter48]

If he’s a winner let him have a few lap dances, this day and age integrity doesn’t mean sh1t