Coronavirus jokes

[nwualum]

Here are some good jokes I've seen / heard on the internet, radio, etc.

How do you kill the Coronavirus for good?
Tell Hillary Clinton its going to testify against her.

The coronavirus can live on a toilet seat up to four days.
That's three days longer than Elvis.

R. Kelly wanted to be moved from prison as he is afraid of Covid-19.
If it was called Covid-15 he would have been totally fine with it.

 

[otismotis08]

Mexico is now willing to pay for the wall.

 

[huskerfan66]

Jim: Alexa what is the weather going to be like tomorrow?

Alexa: Don't worry about it. You're not going anywhere.

 

[1NebrFan]

A suspected Covid 19 male patient is lying in bed in the hospital, wearing an oxygen mask over his mouth and nose. A young female nurse appears and gives him a partial sponge bath.
"Nurse", he mumbles from behind the mask, " are my testicles black" ?
Embarrassed, the young nurse replies, " I don't know Sir, I'm only here to wash your upper body and feet".
He struggles to ask again, "Nurse, please check for me. Are my testicles black"?
Concerned that he might elevate his blood pressure and heart rate from worrying about his testicles, she overcomes her embarrassment and pulls back the covers. She looks closely and says, "There's nothing wrong with them, they look fine".
The man slowly pulls off his oxygen mask and says very slowly....
Thank you very much...now listen very closely.....

" Are-my-test-results-back???

 

[Charlie Marlow]

Trumps response

 

[litespeedhuskerfan]

"I'm Joe Biden, and I forgot this message"

 

[FrostedScottyOs]

 

[Champs 70-71-94-95-97]

Many countries now have the corona virus...but China got it right off the bat...

 

[HBK4life]

Many countries now have the corona virus...but China got it right off the bat...

Not so funny thing those communist dipshits already have there wet markets going again. Only now it's illegal to take pics of all the live dogs, cats, monkeys and bats killed and eaten daily. And they wonder why this is the umpteenth virus to come from that overpopulated polluted ass stinkhole of a country.

 

[tpmcg]

Many countries now have the corona virus...but China got it right off the bat...

oh now, thats good!

 

[Bugeater]

People dining out before and after COVID-19:

 

[Wyldcard]

1 day last week I felt like shit and then about an hour later I belched up lime and then I felt great!

 

[SkerInCo]

Not so funny thing those communist dipshits already have there wet markets going again. Only now it's illegal to take pics of all the live dogs, cats, monkeys and bats killed and eaten daily. And they wonder why this is the umpteenth virus to come from that overpopulated polluted ass stinkhole of a country.

Dude, lighten up.

 

[HBK4life]

Dude, lighten up.

Ok. I'll just sit back and watch China infect the world and shut down the economy and pretend it doesn't bother me. Then lie about it and go back to their heathen ways only to do it all over again. Good call. Carry on.

 

[PeliniTheCrutch]

Ok. I'll just sit back and watch China infect the world and shut down the economy and pretend it doesn't bother me. Then lie about it and go back to their heathen ways only to do it all over again. Good call. Carry on.

Just let it bother you in other threads. This is(was) a pretty good thread.

 

[HuskerHusaria]

 

[PCastro]

Ok. I'll just sit back and watch China infect the world and shut down the economy and pretend it doesn't bother me. Then lie about it and go back to their heathen ways only to do it all over again. Good call. Carry on.

Gross will be gross

 

[SkerInCo]

Ok. I'll just sit back and watch China infect the world and shut down the economy and pretend it doesn't bother me. Then lie about it and go back to their heathen ways only to do it all over again. Good call. Carry on.

Save it for the 27th CV thread.

 

[HBK4life]

Save it for the 27th CV thread.

Ok. I'll tell a joke. Fu$k China. Carry on.

 

[Bugeater]

Chuck Norris contracted the Corona Virus, now the Corona Virus is in quarantine!

 

[huskerfan66]

I thought that might eventually show up. Unfortunately most Chuck Norris jokes got used up on bo

Chuck Norris contracted the Corona Virus, now the Corona Virus is in quarantine![/QUOTE

 

[litespeedhuskerfan]

AOC is authoring a bill to make sure everyone with corona has access to fresh limes.

 

[Whiskeydeltadeltatango]

At risk of catching a few flying tomatoes:


We in Iowa have been offering to beat the C-19 virus for the world for a few weeks now. Make that little bugger come play the Hawks in kinnick at night and we will beat it for you all.



Ill see myself out......

 

[Suhrreal]

I heard the coronavirus spread to Kinnick Stadium and saw the women. Shortly thereafter, Iowa was the first state in the country to be 100% free of the coronavirus. Congrats Iowa you are good at something after all.

 

[HuskerBlueDevil]

King Felipe IV of Spain has been quarantined on his royal jet liner. This appeared to be a case where the reign of Spain is mainly on the plane.